Before I came into Dion's life he had been with an older woman that didn't treat him right AT ALL. He stuck with her for a few years a made a go of it but finally enough was enough. I think he only had about 6 months of freedom before he snagged me up, so rightfully his parents were slightly skeptical the first time we met. They didn't want to like me. You see, they are such good people that they go into everything whole heartedly and if shit was going to hit the fan it would be too hard on them as well. Makes good sense really.
Our first meeting was right around Christmas 2006. I think we went over for supper - must have been - I can't really remember (for good reason that night!! ha ha!) All nerves aside and everything, things were going very well. A bit later, Uncle Barry showed up! He is Sandi's sisters husband, and one of Kelvin's best buddies for more years than I've been alive! For anyone who knows what I am talking about, knows that I was in for one heck of an evening! Over "cake" Kelvin and Barry got carrying on telling stories from the old days that would shock any of us!! It was just awesome. It made me instantly feel like a part of the family, and even though he wouldn't show it, I could tell Kelvin liked me right away. As we got up to leave, Uncle Barry gave me a huge hug and Kelvin didn't get up (which is totally cool, for anyone who has met my dad they will know I am very used to this type of behavior).. but as I passed behind his chair at the kitchen table I gave him a big ol' squeeze from behind anyways!! I knew we would be able to be buddies. And we were... if nothing else there was always hockey or football to talk about, I was even able to score him some hockey tickets from time to time which bodes really well for daughter-in-law points... and he would tease me quite a bit often making me feel like a dumbass but it was funny, and I knew it only came from love!
I was there in the moment that Kelvin passed. He went surrounded by loved ones who were yelling how much they loved him and asking him to wait just a bit longer. What more can a person ask for I guess? We also knew he was no longer in pain at the time and really just didn't want to suffer anymore. I did my share of yelling too but mostly I just watched in disbelief. I couldn't process what my eyes were even seeing, it couldn't be... it just wasn't happening....and then just like that, time stopped. Time literally stopped. I guess maybe thats what happens when you're hit with something like that, nothing else mattered. He was just a baby. 54 years old. A year ago he was perfectly full of beans. 3 months ago he was maybe not feeling the best, but was up and about and working and playing with Saydee. He caught the flu. It was a flu bug that really got him int he end. The Type one diabetes had his body worn down a bit already, and the cancer no one knew he had took away his immunity, but it was catching the flu that got him. Once he was in the hospital which was ridden by other bugs he didn't stand a chance. It just doesn't seem fair. All the good ol' souls seem to get taken at such a young age while all these pricks in the world get to live on. I am truly heartbroken. I am heartbroken for his beautiful wife Sandi (mom), Jacy and Jacinda (bro and sis), my sweet sweet man Dion, all of his close friends who's outpouring of emotion was so so touching, and also for myself. I will miss Kelvin.
So farewell dad! I love you and miss you. No need to worry, I will look after your boy and the rest of the family. We will watch over each other and celebrate in your honor! We all know you wouldn't want a bunch of sad sacks hangin around. So here's to good times with family and friends, tea time, watching the Flames make a run for the cup (we fricken hope anyways - maybe you can help us with that hhmm?), and most of all YOU and a life well spent! A true 'good ol' boy' that I feel honored to have known. Rest in Peace.
GO FLAMES GO!!
Bringing Sexy Back
That's right. I'm doin' it... I'm plagiarizing good ol' JT... It's a good phrase I think. Its a good mantra and also a great goal! I found mine again... the sexy that is. It's back, and it feels good. I even went out and shaked it all over here a couple weeks ago - just like i did when i was 20. Ya baby. You know that strut you get when you're not thinking about how much flesh is hanging over your pants. That per-ma grin you wear when you tighten your belt to the third notch in and its still totally comfortable. That upward proud posture you hold when you don't feel like you have to slouch with your arms crossed to hide your gut. All these little things create an essence. An air about you that is undeniable. The sexy - that 'je ne c'est quoi' if you will. Its wonderful. And if its been gone for quite some time, its fabulous to have back.
I want to touch on something for a second though. I watched a program recently, HEAVY on A&E. The lady on this particular episode after losing 50 pounds or something (maybe it was more at that point - might have been the end of the episode) said "I actually feel sexy now, I don't think I've ever felt that before." That really hit home to me. I mean, she has a child so I know she's had sex. But what would that sex be like for her if she wasn't feeling sexy? Made me realize once again how fortunate I am, that at least I knew what was missing, what I had temporarily misplaced. The vast majority of people that I know have all felt that kind of sexy before. Some earlier than others, some in different forms and different ways, but almost ALL of them know what its like to feel sexy. That really blows my mind. I was trying to think of how those who have not felt it must feel. I think the next HEAVY episode has a lady on it who is mid 40's and still a virgin. Not that sex is EVERYTHING, but we all enjoy a damn good shag now don't we? But with the sex there is also a lot of intimacy, a raw closeness, an animal magnitude - I'm not even sure how to describe it - that GGRRRRRR that comes with so many emotions and feelings that this poor woman has not yet experienced. But I also don't think that being over weight is the maker or the breaker here. There are SO MANY robust men and women out there who are so happy with themselves and just work it ya know? They own it, and that's who they are and they are raw and beautiful and happy. A great example for those who need to get in touch with themselves.
I had a friend ask me once, shortly after some kind of statement about wanting to get some weight off "are you sure you aren't just happy with your size right now?" And I thought about it for a moment then said "I'm sure. I'm not happy, so it can't be right." So I guess in there lies my point of this post. Be sure to ask yourself that question. Don't get skinny just because that's what you think everybody else thinks you should do. Maybe you're already happy..... just a thought. Dig deep and see, you never know what you might find. My guess is the woman I mentioned above - well both of them really - is that neither of them were ever really happy with themselves. I think that's where the sexy comes from. Making peace, forgiving and appreciating yourself. The self worth that we think comes from the world around us, but really just needs to be found within. Whether you are alone right now, or with someone - no friends or 100 friends, you can get your sexy on!! Or you can get it back, whichever applies! Challenge yourself to challenge yourself! ha ha!! Branch out and do something outside of your comfort zone that you've always wanted to do and THINK that you can't!! No matter what shape, size, color, race, gender ANYTHING, the result will be a sexier new you! A sexier BRAVE new you!!!
I found my sexy again, but I don't just attribute it to the changes in my physical - it's way more about the mental then anything else. Just to let go, and surrender to the experience. Not even a particular experience but just life in general. Quit worrying about every little thing and be HAPPY.
FEEL happy.
Life does not have to be hard.
T
I want to touch on something for a second though. I watched a program recently, HEAVY on A&E. The lady on this particular episode after losing 50 pounds or something (maybe it was more at that point - might have been the end of the episode) said "I actually feel sexy now, I don't think I've ever felt that before." That really hit home to me. I mean, she has a child so I know she's had sex. But what would that sex be like for her if she wasn't feeling sexy? Made me realize once again how fortunate I am, that at least I knew what was missing, what I had temporarily misplaced. The vast majority of people that I know have all felt that kind of sexy before. Some earlier than others, some in different forms and different ways, but almost ALL of them know what its like to feel sexy. That really blows my mind. I was trying to think of how those who have not felt it must feel. I think the next HEAVY episode has a lady on it who is mid 40's and still a virgin. Not that sex is EVERYTHING, but we all enjoy a damn good shag now don't we? But with the sex there is also a lot of intimacy, a raw closeness, an animal magnitude - I'm not even sure how to describe it - that GGRRRRRR that comes with so many emotions and feelings that this poor woman has not yet experienced. But I also don't think that being over weight is the maker or the breaker here. There are SO MANY robust men and women out there who are so happy with themselves and just work it ya know? They own it, and that's who they are and they are raw and beautiful and happy. A great example for those who need to get in touch with themselves.
I had a friend ask me once, shortly after some kind of statement about wanting to get some weight off "are you sure you aren't just happy with your size right now?" And I thought about it for a moment then said "I'm sure. I'm not happy, so it can't be right." So I guess in there lies my point of this post. Be sure to ask yourself that question. Don't get skinny just because that's what you think everybody else thinks you should do. Maybe you're already happy..... just a thought. Dig deep and see, you never know what you might find. My guess is the woman I mentioned above - well both of them really - is that neither of them were ever really happy with themselves. I think that's where the sexy comes from. Making peace, forgiving and appreciating yourself. The self worth that we think comes from the world around us, but really just needs to be found within. Whether you are alone right now, or with someone - no friends or 100 friends, you can get your sexy on!! Or you can get it back, whichever applies! Challenge yourself to challenge yourself! ha ha!! Branch out and do something outside of your comfort zone that you've always wanted to do and THINK that you can't!! No matter what shape, size, color, race, gender ANYTHING, the result will be a sexier new you! A sexier BRAVE new you!!!
I found my sexy again, but I don't just attribute it to the changes in my physical - it's way more about the mental then anything else. Just to let go, and surrender to the experience. Not even a particular experience but just life in general. Quit worrying about every little thing and be HAPPY.
FEEL happy.
Life does not have to be hard.
T
Blood Pressure
One of my many MANY rationalizations for myself for being my size was "well, I'm healthy - so it can't be that bad right?"... Well little did I know that when Elaine came over for our first meeting she was bringing a blood pressure machine. I think we even ran it twice to be certain and both times it came up 120/96. At first I didn't think it was too bad... I mean 96 is pretty close to 80 right? Her words that shook me were "it's not quite bad enough for me to have to legally report you to a doctor." Hit me like a ton of bricks!!! If that doesn't destroy a perfectly solid rationalization I don't know what will!! YIKES. Here is a little breakdown I stole from google so you know what this all means.
SO basically I was in Stage 1 Hypertension. Which is full on, very serious - not to be fucked around with, High Blood Pressure. To me high blood pressure was reserved for 70 year old men! I'm 32!!! Definitely should NOT be a concern of mine for many many years to come.... actually it shouldn't be a concern EVER.
A couple of weeks ago Elaine came back with said Blood pressure machine.... we sat down and gave 'er the old college try... 120/78. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did it!!! By only altering my eating habits, and getting some exercise I lowered my very own blood pressure to a safe and healthy and down right normal level. Talk about an accomplishment! That's SO HUGE!!! So if you're out there, maybe thinking the same things I was... it wouldn't hurt to maybe see a doctor once and get a professional opinion... or even just try out that blood pressure machine at the pharmacy counter... then at least you can tick off that one thing. And hey! - if it does come up on the high side... YOU KNOW THE ANSWER!!!!! You know how to fix it!! Just another lovely bi product of choosing a healthier lifestyle.
T
"Normal blood pressure is thus usually said to be 120/80 (systolic/diastolic) or less, measured in millimeters of mercury (abbreviated as mm Hg). What do blood pressure numbers indicate? The higher (systolic) number represents the pressure while the heart is beating. The lower (diastolic) number represents the pressure when the heart is resting between beats. The systolic pressure is always stated first and the diastolic pressure second. For example: 122/76 (122 over 76); systolic = 122, diastolic = 76. Blood pressure of less than 140 over 90 is considered a normal reading for adults. A systolic pressure of 130 to 139 or a diastolic pressure of 85 to 89 needs to be watched carefully. A blood pressure reading equal to or greater than 140 (systolic) over 90 (diastolic) is considered elevated (high)."
SO basically I was in Stage 1 Hypertension. Which is full on, very serious - not to be fucked around with, High Blood Pressure. To me high blood pressure was reserved for 70 year old men! I'm 32!!! Definitely should NOT be a concern of mine for many many years to come.... actually it shouldn't be a concern EVER.
A couple of weeks ago Elaine came back with said Blood pressure machine.... we sat down and gave 'er the old college try... 120/78. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did it!!! By only altering my eating habits, and getting some exercise I lowered my very own blood pressure to a safe and healthy and down right normal level. Talk about an accomplishment! That's SO HUGE!!! So if you're out there, maybe thinking the same things I was... it wouldn't hurt to maybe see a doctor once and get a professional opinion... or even just try out that blood pressure machine at the pharmacy counter... then at least you can tick off that one thing. And hey! - if it does come up on the high side... YOU KNOW THE ANSWER!!!!! You know how to fix it!! Just another lovely bi product of choosing a healthier lifestyle.
T
Clean Slate
You know a new year is good for?? - well, its good for a lot of things... but one in particular is a fresh start! A Clean Slate. A new beginning. A mulligan. However you want to say it! We don't really need a whole new year to make a fresh start, but somehow it has been pushed upon us that this is when we are to resolve to do something wonderful for ourselves, make a change for the better - or for the worse who knows. Maybe there is someone out there who resolves to steal more, or perhaps steal bigger things. Hey, I'm not one to judge. My clean slate begins today. January 21st, 2011. Basically because I need one. I need a reset. I don't know about all of you but my holiday season was WAY too busy to be sitting and making resolutions. There was too much fun to be had! Too many people to see and visit, and FO SHO too TOO much damn work to do!!!! Eventually everything slows down enough for one to grab some perspective... or shall I say a better perspective.
I convinced myself I was letting myself down. OF COURSE I relaxed over the holidays and didn't worry about a thing, and that's the way it should be. I still exercised a bit, I find it really hard to go any length of time without which is awesome. But i had a goal of getting below 200 Pounds by Christmas which didn't happen, then by January 1st which also didn't happen, then here last week I decided it was NEVER going to happen and why am I even bothering?? Its amazing how fast we can go from zero to irrational. Isn't it??? I know any woman out there can relate on at least 3 out of a dozen PMS episodes a year! It's truly amazing... Now I wasn't PMSing, this was the new me loosing a battle to Flo. The fastest re-adoption of old methods of thinking one could ever imagine!! And how did I deal with it????? Lets see, Chinese food, Pizza, Alcohol, Potato Chips, A&W burger and Poutine, and Homemade Deep Fry supper, all within the matter of 3 days. ha ha! 3 days!! I'm laughing because I am awkwardly ashamed to admit that! I said in one of my earliest posts that I didn't think I was an emotional eater, then later on I admitted 'maybe' I was... well..... here is my outright admission!!!!! I SSOOO TOTALLY AM!!! Oh... my.... god.... isn't that something?? Anyways, shortly thereafter came clarity.
So wiping the slate clean for me means the very first thing to go back on the slate is how WICKED FREAKIN AWESOME I have done and all of the amazing progress I have made! Be certain to never ever sell yourself short!!! Sometimes I think we focus on our goals and the immediate future so much, we forget our (my own) preachings about gratitude and recognition and living in the moment. It is important to have a goal to work towards. When that goal becomes an obsession however, I think one needs to take a step back. I have that 200 number built up SO MUCH in my head that it started causing me almost reverse effects! Oddly enough. On top of an insanely stressful time at work and every ones day to day stress this TOO was stressing me out. It shouldn't!! It's just a goal!!! Goals change and evolve all the time! SO WHAT?? You're doin it. I stayed the same weight for a couple weeks but I didn't really put anything back on... I still made some progress in inches... still making steps in the right direction.... so calm the hell down lady!! (you can tell how much I talk to myself hey??) I have chosen a new goal of 195 for my birthday. Take that freakin number right out of the equation. Fuck it... the 2's are already gone right? Why am i putting so much focus on the damn 2. I need to be focusing on the 1's!! That's what I am truly aiming for. The other thing I have done is started counting my weight loss from my heaviest weight, as opposed to my weight at the start of the challenge. This gave me the extra added bonus of 8 pounds to count that I already had off before becoming active. So to date I have lost 42 pounds! That is nothing to shake a stick at for sure! I am a very proud girl, even if I forget it every so often!!!
And so that battle rages on!!!! My resolution?? More of the same, keep on keepin' on, try try again, however you want to say it!! ha ha!
"Be steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity with manly strength and courage".
Besides, it only feels like a battle the tiniest fraction of the time, and each time it comes, the battle is WON faster and better then the time before.
I convinced myself I was letting myself down. OF COURSE I relaxed over the holidays and didn't worry about a thing, and that's the way it should be. I still exercised a bit, I find it really hard to go any length of time without which is awesome. But i had a goal of getting below 200 Pounds by Christmas which didn't happen, then by January 1st which also didn't happen, then here last week I decided it was NEVER going to happen and why am I even bothering?? Its amazing how fast we can go from zero to irrational. Isn't it??? I know any woman out there can relate on at least 3 out of a dozen PMS episodes a year! It's truly amazing... Now I wasn't PMSing, this was the new me loosing a battle to Flo. The fastest re-adoption of old methods of thinking one could ever imagine!! And how did I deal with it????? Lets see, Chinese food, Pizza, Alcohol, Potato Chips, A&W burger and Poutine, and Homemade Deep Fry supper, all within the matter of 3 days. ha ha! 3 days!! I'm laughing because I am awkwardly ashamed to admit that! I said in one of my earliest posts that I didn't think I was an emotional eater, then later on I admitted 'maybe' I was... well..... here is my outright admission!!!!! I SSOOO TOTALLY AM!!! Oh... my.... god.... isn't that something?? Anyways, shortly thereafter came clarity.
So wiping the slate clean for me means the very first thing to go back on the slate is how WICKED FREAKIN AWESOME I have done and all of the amazing progress I have made! Be certain to never ever sell yourself short!!! Sometimes I think we focus on our goals and the immediate future so much, we forget our (my own) preachings about gratitude and recognition and living in the moment. It is important to have a goal to work towards. When that goal becomes an obsession however, I think one needs to take a step back. I have that 200 number built up SO MUCH in my head that it started causing me almost reverse effects! Oddly enough. On top of an insanely stressful time at work and every ones day to day stress this TOO was stressing me out. It shouldn't!! It's just a goal!!! Goals change and evolve all the time! SO WHAT?? You're doin it. I stayed the same weight for a couple weeks but I didn't really put anything back on... I still made some progress in inches... still making steps in the right direction.... so calm the hell down lady!! (you can tell how much I talk to myself hey??) I have chosen a new goal of 195 for my birthday. Take that freakin number right out of the equation. Fuck it... the 2's are already gone right? Why am i putting so much focus on the damn 2. I need to be focusing on the 1's!! That's what I am truly aiming for. The other thing I have done is started counting my weight loss from my heaviest weight, as opposed to my weight at the start of the challenge. This gave me the extra added bonus of 8 pounds to count that I already had off before becoming active. So to date I have lost 42 pounds! That is nothing to shake a stick at for sure! I am a very proud girl, even if I forget it every so often!!!
And so that battle rages on!!!! My resolution?? More of the same, keep on keepin' on, try try again, however you want to say it!! ha ha!
"Be steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity with manly strength and courage".
Besides, it only feels like a battle the tiniest fraction of the time, and each time it comes, the battle is WON faster and better then the time before.
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