So the week ends out on a very positive high!! - in spite of the 1/2 pound I gained back!!! - nothing detrimental... everything is fine.... and I am ready to rock going forward!! Goal #2 look out!!!
Before and After Pics
So the week ends out on a very positive high!! - in spite of the 1/2 pound I gained back!!! - nothing detrimental... everything is fine.... and I am ready to rock going forward!! Goal #2 look out!!!
BUMMER
My friends were making fun of me on the weekend for saying bummer – well not really ‘making fun’ of me but laughing at it, or me… whatever!! Either way it was all good! I chose it for the title of this post because it makes me laugh and somehow it has worked it’s way into my every day vocabulary – but also because its seems to directly apply to me this week. I am having a bad week. **pout pout pout** I debated on writing this post actually, because you remember that saying – “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” Ha ha ha!! THAT’S ME. Then I thought – no, I should write SOMETHING. Writing has been helping me work through shit so there’s one good reason – plus for all the readers out there it’s important for you to know that real life will always interfere in one way or another with your master plan. To know that I am not all sunshine and roses all of the time – and I honestly don’t believe anyone can be and be healthy in the head at the same time. One theory is maybe challenges are set forth to see how well you will deal with them. To specifically challenge your new resolve and your new problem solving skills. I don’t like being challenged or tested so I don’t know if I believe that theory at all. It’s one I use when I don’t really have an explanation. Some times for some reason I need an explanation other than “everything happens for a reason”. I’m SURE there’s a reason… I just don’t care what it is right now! Ha ha ha! I want an explanation dammit.
My first issue popped up Friday evening. Remember how I ended my last post saying “nothing can kill this buzz!”… well apparently that was a challenge to the Universe. Something did. Noting major AT ALL but my car got smashed while he was parked on the street totally minding his own kitty business (his name is Garfield
The thing I am most disappointed about is that I skipped my work out last night. The first one I have missed. I felt it more necessary to ice my ass and tail bone, and have a good stiff drink. I have also been eating too much this week. I didn’t give in to my wants of total crap, the food I’m eating is still good stuff, its just more than it should be. It’s making me realize I am indeed an emotional eater. I do find comfort in it (eating that is) and it seems the worse the food the more the comfort there is available. It’s a good lesson for me…. To see that in myself, and feel it, and best of all recognize it for what it is. AND to YET AGAIN not allow myself to slip too far, and to make excuses, and to get caught up in this funky mood. It’s too easy to get caught in and I have worked too hard to give up now! It’s just funny how detrimental my thinking can go in such a short period of time.
So this morning brought an ass that is not quite as sore as yesterday (although it stills kills!! Ha ha! Gawd) and a slightly renewed attitude. Missing one workout is not going to end me. It won’t stunt my progress, its ok. I think my panic mostly comes from the thought that if I miss one workout, then I’m going to get caught up in skipping workouts and eventually fail myself like I have in the past. Not this time. This time I know is different! I have so many people rooting for me that it renews my drive daily. I owe it to myself to fight through all of this crap and be like Nike and “Just do it”. Just do it. Simple. So, the moral here I guess is that you’re not always going to be perfect. Nobody is. Even the Elaine Murray’s and Jillian Michaels of the world have a hot fudge sundae once in awhile…. At least I sure like to think that they do! You’ll slip and slide and maybe even fall right on your ass but the important part will be how fast you hop back up! – my new theory is that I was given the physical pain in the ass to make me realize the actual pain in the ass I was being. Well not ME… Flo of course. Sometimes I think it is just that simple. Probably Garfield
Win or Lose
It dawned on me for a moment that I should think - only for an instant - about the minuscule chance that I may not win this challenge. Reason being, my past has proven that disappointment can take me down. The theory about leveraging the universe that I have touched on before, does not leave room for doubt - you are to believe 100% in and out that you have already achieved your goal and your ideal result. I DO feel that! I find it easier to believe that wholly and put my faith into it, and me, if I have a cushy plan B. Nothing wrong with a plan B I always say!! - actually I don't... that's a lie... I usually have 100% faith in Plan A and it always works out BUT in this case I just want to be absolutely clear that I am not doubting myself!! I just want to make sure that 'if' (the tiniest 'if' possible) the tide doesn't turn my way this time I will NOT be discouraged!! It's more of a change of focus from Goal #1 - on to Goal #2. I am SO PROUD of what I have accomplished. I don't want my focus on the prize to take away from that. My success has been absolutely unbelievable. I have found strength I never knew I had, and I can see my old self creeping back in. Not that I had REALLY 'changed' per say, but I had got to a point where I wasn't quite myself anymore. Now I'm full of beans again and I'm loving it!!!! I challenged Dion to our first wrestling match in - oh god - I don't even know how long... I lost miserably of course!!! But at least I was up and about and full of business! That's more 'me'.... opposed to the me that continued to increase the size of the butt hole on my couch.
IN ANY CASE - I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I am not the one that wins this challenge - the person that beat me worked their FREAKIN butt off and absolutely deserves the win!
Today marked the end of the 8 week challenge. I am very pleased to say that out of that 8 weeks I only ever missed 1 walk. I got in every work out. GOOD JOB T!!! Because of this I was able to knock off 21 pounds!! - just awesome. It averages out to about 2.6 pounds a week which is perfect for me right now I think.. 1 - 2 pounds/week they say is the very best way to lose weight to ensure that it does not come back. So I'm a little over, but I think on a great track!! - I have also deducted 3 minutes and 3 seconds off of my fitness test time. Fitness test = 40 Squats, 30 Crunches, 20 Push-Ups, 10 burpies AND after a 30 second break I hold the plank position for as long as I can, my starting time for that was 21 seconds and I increased that to 52!! An extra 31 seconds!! - I was aiming for a minute (cause I know I can do better than a minute but after the fitness test everything is harder!! ha ha ha!) and I'm telling you it felt like 26 minutes! VAST improvement none the less. The best part... the inches.... can I get a drum roll!!???? **you'll have to improvise this yourself because I have no idea how to type that....
TWENTY EIGHT!!!!!!! 28 motha fuckin inches!!!! I earned every damned one those!
Isn't that something??? I don't even know what to say about that. WAY TO GO. JUST a-freakin-mazing. Pride doesn't cover it right now. And nnooowwwwwww we shall see if it holds up!! I will know if I am the winner next Friday! - A week to wait!! A week to focus on my next goal... Under 200 for Christmas! I can just feel it now!! ooooOOoooooo baby!! YES PLEASE!! Its been SO LONG since I've seen the #1 in the first position on that scale... I am seriously gonna FREAK OUT - and I wasn't joking about running around naked... I'm SO doin it... for a whole week... I may throw something on for work - but otherwise... naked. Yuppers! Honestly - the way I feel right now with this first milestone achieved in such a fabulous fashion - nothing can kill this buzz.
IN ANY CASE - I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I am not the one that wins this challenge - the person that beat me worked their FREAKIN butt off and absolutely deserves the win!
Today marked the end of the 8 week challenge. I am very pleased to say that out of that 8 weeks I only ever missed 1 walk. I got in every work out. GOOD JOB T!!! Because of this I was able to knock off 21 pounds!! - just awesome. It averages out to about 2.6 pounds a week which is perfect for me right now I think.. 1 - 2 pounds/week they say is the very best way to lose weight to ensure that it does not come back. So I'm a little over, but I think on a great track!! - I have also deducted 3 minutes and 3 seconds off of my fitness test time. Fitness test = 40 Squats, 30 Crunches, 20 Push-Ups, 10 burpies AND after a 30 second break I hold the plank position for as long as I can, my starting time for that was 21 seconds and I increased that to 52!! An extra 31 seconds!! - I was aiming for a minute (cause I know I can do better than a minute but after the fitness test everything is harder!! ha ha ha!) and I'm telling you it felt like 26 minutes! VAST improvement none the less. The best part... the inches.... can I get a drum roll!!???? **you'll have to improvise this yourself because I have no idea how to type that....
TWENTY EIGHT!!!!!!! 28 motha fuckin inches!!!! I earned every damned one those!
Isn't that something??? I don't even know what to say about that. WAY TO GO. JUST a-freakin-mazing. Pride doesn't cover it right now. And nnooowwwwwww we shall see if it holds up!! I will know if I am the winner next Friday! - A week to wait!! A week to focus on my next goal... Under 200 for Christmas! I can just feel it now!! ooooOOoooooo baby!! YES PLEASE!! Its been SO LONG since I've seen the #1 in the first position on that scale... I am seriously gonna FREAK OUT - and I wasn't joking about running around naked... I'm SO doin it... for a whole week... I may throw something on for work - but otherwise... naked. Yuppers! Honestly - the way I feel right now with this first milestone achieved in such a fabulous fashion - nothing can kill this buzz.
Contrary to popular belief... the world is not watching you - a story of the closet joggers
When I first was telling Elaine about how I was starting to jog in spurts, and how I felt a little silly doing my interval training - which is a sprint - walk combination designed for optimal fat burn - she shared a story with me about when she first started running. Her and her sisters would only go out after dark. They called themselves 'closet joggers' which totally cracked me up, and actually made me feel better. Knowing that others out there are worried about being seen doing something embarrassing, and ultimately, being judged I think.
Every time I am out running or jogging or walk-sprinting or walking or weeding the flowers even, I feel like I'm being watched. Not on that creepy kind of sense where someone is stalking me or about to attack me - but in the sense that someone can see my butt crack when I'm bent over, or someone is watching me from their window as I jog by, maybe making fun of me or cracking a joke to their friends. When I meet up with someone on the path I'm embarrassed to go from walking to jogging, or from jogging to walking... which is OK when you're jogging because it helps extend the work out, but when I'm walking I gotta keep that heart rate up! It is JUST ridiculous!! I tell myself... "Ter, everyone is out here for the same reasons - they are getting exercise too and walking their dogs and doin their thing... why would you think they're critiquing you?" I don't know... I honestly don't have an answer for that - but judging by the 'closet joggers' its not just me. For some reason we have this feeling deep inside that we need to be fit to exercise and work out, we need to have it right immediately. Which is HILARIOUS because how do we think the fit people get fit in the first place. On the Biggest Loser this season I am noticing a lot of comments from the trainers around not be afraid to go to the gym, and I can relate with that one too. At the gym EVERYONE is watching you of course.. *insert sarcasm here* but am I right or am I wrong in that feeling??? That's what I always thought... I felt watched and judged all the time when I'd go to a gym. "Oh god my fat is hanging out"... "should I be sweating THIS Much?" ... "am i doing it right?".... "ugh how embarrassing, everyone is going twice as fast as me - i can't do this... who am I kidding" My stays were never very long - I'd go for a couple weeks then that was it. A visit to excuse world and I'd be done. A gym is no place for a fat girl.
Total bullshit right??? RIGHT. Despite what we have learned through the media and maybe our peers in school when we used to get teased. People are generally good. The average person wants to do good things and be a good person, and tries just as hard at everything as we do. You know what I think when I see someone of a larger stature out and about walking or jogging? I think "Good for them! - they're fricken doin it! Right on!" So why wouldn't others think that about me?? This isn't elementary school anymore... we're not on the playground. I'm out there playing with other grown ups, who may or mat not share in my insecurities, but we have a common goal and I like to think the last thing they would do is judge me. So that's how I'm changing this one around. I am going to assume everyone is thinking the very best of me all of the time!! If they are peaking at me out their windows - they thinking "right on... look at her... she's doin it!" ... when I pass people on the pathway their gonna be "holy! look how far she's come! good for her" .. I even received a compliment once and I think my head was in the negative space at the time so I took it wrong. I was hoofin' er up a pretty good freakin hill and the older gentleman was on his bike and as he went by he said "You're keeping a darn good pace up that hill!" - which is nothing but a nice thing to say right? Well for whatever reason I took it as him being patronizing and choose to be upset about it. DUH... But I guess it solidified in my head that people are indeed watching me!! But SWEET JESUS I sometimes follow people too... do i look at them?? YES.... its not that I'm watching them... they're just in my view.... and I only ever think good things about those people.
I am beginning to see now how silly it is to be SO consumed by those thoughts! This week (my last week of the challenge BTW) my interval training has been bumped up to where I have to maintain my 'sprint' for 20 seconds. So on Sunday I had to get out there and give 'er in broad daylight. A 20 second sprint covers a good bit of ground so it was impossible NOT to run into anyone... and it was also impossible to sustain that sprint for any longer than the 20 seconds so I got a good lesson in not caring what anyone else was thinking!!! Even if I was right beside them the timer would go and I'd slow to my walk and I'm sure make some sort of expression of my exhaustion! ha ha ha! I bet they appreciated it in their own right! I just have to keep the focus on me, cause in the long run - I'm the only one who is suffering by entertaining any of these thoughts I make up. Who has the time for it? Really?
Every time I am out running or jogging or walk-sprinting or walking or weeding the flowers even, I feel like I'm being watched. Not on that creepy kind of sense where someone is stalking me or about to attack me - but in the sense that someone can see my butt crack when I'm bent over, or someone is watching me from their window as I jog by, maybe making fun of me or cracking a joke to their friends. When I meet up with someone on the path I'm embarrassed to go from walking to jogging, or from jogging to walking... which is OK when you're jogging because it helps extend the work out, but when I'm walking I gotta keep that heart rate up! It is JUST ridiculous!! I tell myself... "Ter, everyone is out here for the same reasons - they are getting exercise too and walking their dogs and doin their thing... why would you think they're critiquing you?" I don't know... I honestly don't have an answer for that - but judging by the 'closet joggers' its not just me. For some reason we have this feeling deep inside that we need to be fit to exercise and work out, we need to have it right immediately. Which is HILARIOUS because how do we think the fit people get fit in the first place. On the Biggest Loser this season I am noticing a lot of comments from the trainers around not be afraid to go to the gym, and I can relate with that one too. At the gym EVERYONE is watching you of course.. *insert sarcasm here* but am I right or am I wrong in that feeling??? That's what I always thought... I felt watched and judged all the time when I'd go to a gym. "Oh god my fat is hanging out"... "should I be sweating THIS Much?" ... "am i doing it right?".... "ugh how embarrassing, everyone is going twice as fast as me - i can't do this... who am I kidding" My stays were never very long - I'd go for a couple weeks then that was it. A visit to excuse world and I'd be done. A gym is no place for a fat girl.
Total bullshit right??? RIGHT. Despite what we have learned through the media and maybe our peers in school when we used to get teased. People are generally good. The average person wants to do good things and be a good person, and tries just as hard at everything as we do. You know what I think when I see someone of a larger stature out and about walking or jogging? I think "Good for them! - they're fricken doin it! Right on!" So why wouldn't others think that about me?? This isn't elementary school anymore... we're not on the playground. I'm out there playing with other grown ups, who may or mat not share in my insecurities, but we have a common goal and I like to think the last thing they would do is judge me. So that's how I'm changing this one around. I am going to assume everyone is thinking the very best of me all of the time!! If they are peaking at me out their windows - they thinking "right on... look at her... she's doin it!" ... when I pass people on the pathway their gonna be "holy! look how far she's come! good for her" .. I even received a compliment once and I think my head was in the negative space at the time so I took it wrong. I was hoofin' er up a pretty good freakin hill and the older gentleman was on his bike and as he went by he said "You're keeping a darn good pace up that hill!" - which is nothing but a nice thing to say right? Well for whatever reason I took it as him being patronizing and choose to be upset about it. DUH... But I guess it solidified in my head that people are indeed watching me!! But SWEET JESUS I sometimes follow people too... do i look at them?? YES.... its not that I'm watching them... they're just in my view.... and I only ever think good things about those people.
I am beginning to see now how silly it is to be SO consumed by those thoughts! This week (my last week of the challenge BTW) my interval training has been bumped up to where I have to maintain my 'sprint' for 20 seconds. So on Sunday I had to get out there and give 'er in broad daylight. A 20 second sprint covers a good bit of ground so it was impossible NOT to run into anyone... and it was also impossible to sustain that sprint for any longer than the 20 seconds so I got a good lesson in not caring what anyone else was thinking!!! Even if I was right beside them the timer would go and I'd slow to my walk and I'm sure make some sort of expression of my exhaustion! ha ha ha! I bet they appreciated it in their own right! I just have to keep the focus on me, cause in the long run - I'm the only one who is suffering by entertaining any of these thoughts I make up. Who has the time for it? Really?
Flo
In my last post I made reference to my 'inner drill sargent'. I've decided that she is relevant enough to have a name. I thought this name should have some significance in my world so I chose Flo. Why is that name significant you ask?? Well I will tell you.... Florence is actually my Grandmas first name. She never uses it mind you, she has always gone by Miriam which is her middle name... but I like it and its a part of her - which is a part of me. I like it for another reason and that is of course its short form - Flo... Flo cracks me up!!! If anyone can recall that first restaurant scene from Dumb and Dumber you will know why. Now put on your best Jim Carrey impression.. "Pardon me..... Flo..?". *giggles* ... "What is the soup de jour?"..... Flo: "It's the soup of the day" .... "MMmmmm that sounds good.... think I'll have that..."
Flo used to be a bitch. She wasn't from the get go, but somewhere along the line she became bitter and jaded and pissed off. I have touched on this topic before but I feel that it may need some more attention as it has come up at the same time both in the book I'm reading and by Portia DeGeneres and her new book. Portia was extremely candid with sharing the horrid things her inner voice used to say to her. When I mentioned a couple of the nasty's Flo used to say to me, I received comments about how nobody has shared quite like that before so of course I immediately related. It takes a LOT to get those out there. Isn't it a horrible thought to think that the things our inner selves are telling us are TOO horrible and nasty to even say out loud? It's like the abused woman who will tell her friends she fell down the stairs to explain away bruises. Just instead of bruises, we will carry around too much extra weight, or in Portias' case no weight at all..... or have a drug addiction or become dependant on alcohol... or even become abusive to others. Lots of time the biggest bullies are only like that because they are currently being bullied themselves. Its a learned behavior. We need to air these voices. Call them out for what they really are, and help them to change.
I have been working on Flo for quite some time now! I have to say she has made amazing progress and now thoroughly enjoys being my drill Sargent! A Drill Sargent might sound mean, but you have to remember that their job is to make you the very best you can be, and push you to challenge your limits. I also like labelling Flo as a drill Sargent because when I'm out walk-jogging she says things like "DID WE COME ALL THIS WAY TO QUIT NOW?".... "PICK UP THOSE FEET SOLDIER AND GET MOVIN!" .... and it too makes me laugh and laughing makes everything better! She also can now tell when the drill Sargent approach isn't going to work and she can say "Come on T.... you got his kiddo..... you're over half way there - just make it to the park bench and you can walk for a bit"....**WOW- I'm just realizing that i may just look like a crazy person when I'm out walking! Yikes, I hope my lips don't actually move.... I'm pretty sure there's no sound coming out... oh boy! ha ha ha!!**.... Anyhoo, we have come a LONG way and just like any BFF we have had it out, we've laughed, we've cried, we've accused... and best of all we've forgiven. And the best part??? When she's in a bitchy mood and having a down day and gets a little cunty with me - I say "Fuck off Flo, come back when you have something good to say".. and she does.
Flo used to be a bitch. She wasn't from the get go, but somewhere along the line she became bitter and jaded and pissed off. I have touched on this topic before but I feel that it may need some more attention as it has come up at the same time both in the book I'm reading and by Portia DeGeneres and her new book. Portia was extremely candid with sharing the horrid things her inner voice used to say to her. When I mentioned a couple of the nasty's Flo used to say to me, I received comments about how nobody has shared quite like that before so of course I immediately related. It takes a LOT to get those out there. Isn't it a horrible thought to think that the things our inner selves are telling us are TOO horrible and nasty to even say out loud? It's like the abused woman who will tell her friends she fell down the stairs to explain away bruises. Just instead of bruises, we will carry around too much extra weight, or in Portias' case no weight at all..... or have a drug addiction or become dependant on alcohol... or even become abusive to others. Lots of time the biggest bullies are only like that because they are currently being bullied themselves. Its a learned behavior. We need to air these voices. Call them out for what they really are, and help them to change.
I have been working on Flo for quite some time now! I have to say she has made amazing progress and now thoroughly enjoys being my drill Sargent! A Drill Sargent might sound mean, but you have to remember that their job is to make you the very best you can be, and push you to challenge your limits. I also like labelling Flo as a drill Sargent because when I'm out walk-jogging she says things like "DID WE COME ALL THIS WAY TO QUIT NOW?".... "PICK UP THOSE FEET SOLDIER AND GET MOVIN!" .... and it too makes me laugh and laughing makes everything better! She also can now tell when the drill Sargent approach isn't going to work and she can say "Come on T.... you got his kiddo..... you're over half way there - just make it to the park bench and you can walk for a bit"....**WOW- I'm just realizing that i may just look like a crazy person when I'm out walking! Yikes, I hope my lips don't actually move.... I'm pretty sure there's no sound coming out... oh boy! ha ha ha!!**.... Anyhoo, we have come a LONG way and just like any BFF we have had it out, we've laughed, we've cried, we've accused... and best of all we've forgiven. And the best part??? When she's in a bitchy mood and having a down day and gets a little cunty with me - I say "Fuck off Flo, come back when you have something good to say".. and she does.
Patience
Definition of PATIENT
: bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint
: manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain
: not hasty or impetuous
: steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity
Definition of VIRTUE
a : conformity to a standard of right : morality b : a particular moral excellence
plural : an order of angels — see celestial hierarchy
: a beneficial quality or power of a thing
: manly strength or courage : valor
: a commendable quality or trait : merit
: a capacity to act : potency
"Patience is a virtue" - I wish I had a nickel for every time I have said that. I have no idea where I got that from. I've learned this morning that it seems to be somewhat of a christian saying which is a stretch for me and my upbringing for sure - so WHO KNOWS where I latched on to that from! I sure have used it to nag though! Especially to Jen!! - she used to have to worst road rage I have ever seen!! ha ha! Then she used to nag me for nagging her about that! aaahhhhh.... good times.... ! Too funny... anyways I realize that I wasn't really certain what that phrase even meant - so I thought I'd check that out first, and based on the above I have designed a new phrase that I like much better - and brings the interpretation closer to me in my life right now. "Be steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity with manly strength and courage" if the "manly" part bothers you, you can switch it out for another adjective that you see fit - but me, I have never been a feminist. "Open the damn door for me ya prick - I need to talk to your mother!!!" ha ha ha! Naaahhhhh I'm not that extreme the other way either - I just think ANYONE should hold the door open for ANYONE else.
So often, when we try to teach, show or lead by example the hardest part ends up being taking our own advice. I wonder why that is... you would think we talk about it so much and preach it so much that we would HAVE to live by it. I'm admitting to this very thing. I've been writing this blog for a few weeks now and there is some great advice in it, but I've been having to remind myself again and again to take it!! My most recent example is from Friday - which marked 6 weeks of competition. I knew well ahead of time that at the 6 week mark we would be re-doing the fitness test and doing a full set of measurements ect... As per my usually routine, I weighed myself in the am before I headed out to work. 2 pounds down. "Dammit!" I thought.... "Why why why ONLY 2 pounds???? - what did I do? What did I NOT do??? This weight is never going to come off...." TERRI!!! for fuck sakes knock it off!!! (that's the voice I have started calling my inner drill Sargent, shes nice and supportive but can also really whip my ass). That voice brought me into check. "what am I thinking? 2 pounds is freakin wicked awesome!!! That's only one week.. that's 2 very good well earned pounds that will never ever return... nice work Ter... good job!! Look at you go..." PHEW... I recovered quickly from that one - but make no mistake that the battle continued on all throughout the day. It is constant effort to battle these thoughts. My biggest problem is when I was on that Sureslim diet I lost 28 pounds in one month. That told me that it was possible, and I thought I was being healthy at the time so it stuck in my head as the results one SHOULD be getting.... and you know... I remember thinking during that time that I was losing some of my muscle. I had that thought!!! SHOOT - you'd think I could have caught on that maybe it was BAD for me??? NO WONDER I lost 28 pounds in a month, I was losing some fat but I was losing muscle too! Now I'm finally getting some of that muscle back, so of course the pounds will not go down as quickly because I'm putting pounds of muscle back where it belongs! That battle will continue I'm sure, but I am gaining on it!! That immediate negative reaction will not exist forever. Its more important to be aware of those thoughts and turn them around instantly. They will become fewer and farther between until they do not exist at all anymore!
The icing on the cake of winning battle #4,365,674?? Elaine comes for our session and we realized that I have lost 19.5 inches since the start of the challenge. Six tiny little weeks... and NINETEEN and a half inches!!!! Its CRAZY ridiculous!!! I was actually in shock for a moment, and writing this now I fight back a tear. I am SO proud.. and so grateful!! - PLUS!! - I took 2 mins and 53 seconds off of my fitness test time!!! And increased the amount of time I can hold a good plank position by 18 seconds. PHENOMENAL. AANNDDDD - I still have 2 weeks to best that!!!! Fricken right on! GO TEAM!! ha ha!!
"Be steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity with manly strength and courage"
The icing on the cake of winning battle #4,365,674?? Elaine comes for our session and we realized that I have lost 19.5 inches since the start of the challenge. Six tiny little weeks... and NINETEEN and a half inches!!!! Its CRAZY ridiculous!!! I was actually in shock for a moment, and writing this now I fight back a tear. I am SO proud.. and so grateful!! - PLUS!! - I took 2 mins and 53 seconds off of my fitness test time!!! And increased the amount of time I can hold a good plank position by 18 seconds. PHENOMENAL. AANNDDDD - I still have 2 weeks to best that!!!! Fricken right on! GO TEAM!! ha ha!!
"Be steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity with manly strength and courage"
The Stairs
It seems the perfect time of year, coming into Halloween weekend to bring up my biggest fear and arch nemesis.................. STAIRS......... duuunnn duunnn dduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! **hold that 3rd note for an inappropriate length of time. Its just funnier that way**
I hate stairs!!!! I know I was saying earlier that hate is such a strong word, but make no mistake. I HATE stairs. It's pretty much completely unfounded. I have no idea why. I don't even have a gruesome story about how I once fell down 3 flights of concrete stairs causing my rib to pierce through my flesh and my foot to turn around backwards. Nothing like that! It comes from a serious lack of trust. Stairs broke my grandmas arm, stairs smashed in my dads head and dislocated his shoulder (2 different sets), stairs nearly claimed Linds' life in Vegas and have taken Marnie 2.5 times - THAT I KNOW OF!! And one of those times was in my own house!! - and now that I'm thinking of it that same set took Dion for about the first month he lived there and have taken his cousin once too. They can NOT be trusted.
Somewhere along the line it turned from the above reasons for hatred - to the simple fact I was too lazy to want to use them anymore. Getting up a flight caused me to lose my breath. I would collect things at the top of the stairs to ensure I would only have to make one trip down them. I would go with out something that I wanted - ie) a hoodie from my bedroom because the house was chilly - so that I didn't have to climb them. I would sit and secretly hope that Dion would have to go and grab something then I'd ask him ever so nicely if he wouldn't mind grabbing it for me. GAWWDD it sounds so pathetic now that I am saying it 'out loud'... but that's where I got myself, thats how far gone.
Now when you are working out at home an excellent source of cardio if you are lacking equipment is the stairs. Elaine has made me run up and down the stairs so many times!! ha ha! I was NOT about to tell her that I was "afraid of stairs" and try to use it for a reason to get out of it. I didn't want her to know that I was actually nervous about taking them 2 by 2 because I was certain they were going to reach out and grab my big toe and haul me down... I'd just rather work on it... which I have been, and I am getting there. Now when I realize (just hitting downstairs) that I have forgotten something upstairs I gladly turn around and hop right on back up there - arms a swingin - and the whole bit. Can't hurt to burn a couple extra calories right?? My opinion is definitely altering slowly but surely... I'm still nervous about the 2 x 2's but its on my list!! Those damn stairs still have not gained my full trust and I doubt they ever will - but at least I'm back to just being afraid of them and not being too lazy to use them!!
I hate stairs!!!! I know I was saying earlier that hate is such a strong word, but make no mistake. I HATE stairs. It's pretty much completely unfounded. I have no idea why. I don't even have a gruesome story about how I once fell down 3 flights of concrete stairs causing my rib to pierce through my flesh and my foot to turn around backwards. Nothing like that! It comes from a serious lack of trust. Stairs broke my grandmas arm, stairs smashed in my dads head and dislocated his shoulder (2 different sets), stairs nearly claimed Linds' life in Vegas and have taken Marnie 2.5 times - THAT I KNOW OF!! And one of those times was in my own house!! - and now that I'm thinking of it that same set took Dion for about the first month he lived there and have taken his cousin once too. They can NOT be trusted.
Somewhere along the line it turned from the above reasons for hatred - to the simple fact I was too lazy to want to use them anymore. Getting up a flight caused me to lose my breath. I would collect things at the top of the stairs to ensure I would only have to make one trip down them. I would go with out something that I wanted - ie) a hoodie from my bedroom because the house was chilly - so that I didn't have to climb them. I would sit and secretly hope that Dion would have to go and grab something then I'd ask him ever so nicely if he wouldn't mind grabbing it for me. GAWWDD it sounds so pathetic now that I am saying it 'out loud'... but that's where I got myself, thats how far gone.
Now when you are working out at home an excellent source of cardio if you are lacking equipment is the stairs. Elaine has made me run up and down the stairs so many times!! ha ha! I was NOT about to tell her that I was "afraid of stairs" and try to use it for a reason to get out of it. I didn't want her to know that I was actually nervous about taking them 2 by 2 because I was certain they were going to reach out and grab my big toe and haul me down... I'd just rather work on it... which I have been, and I am getting there. Now when I realize (just hitting downstairs) that I have forgotten something upstairs I gladly turn around and hop right on back up there - arms a swingin - and the whole bit. Can't hurt to burn a couple extra calories right?? My opinion is definitely altering slowly but surely... I'm still nervous about the 2 x 2's but its on my list!! Those damn stairs still have not gained my full trust and I doubt they ever will - but at least I'm back to just being afraid of them and not being too lazy to use them!!
I'm a dork....
I guess I got a little side tracked on my last post and forgot to tell the part of the story that made me want to share it in the first place!! ha ha! WHOOPS! - and that's HOW I started up running again.
The program I have now that Elaine designed for me alternates between work out days supplemented by a cardio program, and walking days. With one day off mixed somewhere in there for some much needed recovery time. Usually Mondays for me - and let me tell you, there is no better day for rest than a Monday!! By the time Sunday comes around I am SO VERY VERY ready for my day of rest!!! On my walking days I began to notice that the pace that I could comfortably walk at was no longer getting my heart rate to where it should be, something had to be done. Going WAY back now as a kid I was shown how to do a proper speed walk. Let me make it clear first of all that speed walking is very challenging and make no mistake that those folks that do it are indeed getting a fantastic work out - but don't they look a little dorky??? ha ha!! Maybe my vanity is kicking in already but I really didn't want to look like a speed walker!! So I kicked it up a notch and started a wee trot down the path and so it goes.. the rest of the story precedes this one. A side note too - my knee has still been hurting me. Now that I actually pay attention and listen to my body it was telling me that my quad muscle was pulling on a ligament that was throwing things off a bit in my knee, and I could help it along by doing some extra stretches... I was telling Elaine last Friday that is has been hurting me occasionally - (she had asked because my knees are ridiculously cracky and she was making me do sumo squats) - and wouldn't you know... she said the EXACT explanation that my body told me?? While it was nice to have the confirmation from a professional - I know I can trust my body to tell me what is right and what is wrong. Not ONCE has my knee hurt during any exercises - its always after the fact, and every now and then when I'm jogging - but I think that might just be a 'growing pain' - still a little bit too much weight on my joints, and that's OK, cause the weight is going!!
I also wanted to mention that Elaine did not miss a beat when I told her I had kicked things up to a jog by saying "didn't you tell me you hate to run?????"... ha ha!... I said "YYEESSSSSSS!!! BAH!" ha ha ha! Crow tastes good. MMmmmm real good.
SO the wee bitty of info that I have been leaving out is that these last little updates of inches lost have only been based on 4 out of 9 different measurements!! So tomorrow marks my 6th week of competition so we will be doing the full set of measurements, as well as the fitness test. I will have lots of really great news to report after the weekend!! I am VERY excited!!!
The program I have now that Elaine designed for me alternates between work out days supplemented by a cardio program, and walking days. With one day off mixed somewhere in there for some much needed recovery time. Usually Mondays for me - and let me tell you, there is no better day for rest than a Monday!! By the time Sunday comes around I am SO VERY VERY ready for my day of rest!!! On my walking days I began to notice that the pace that I could comfortably walk at was no longer getting my heart rate to where it should be, something had to be done. Going WAY back now as a kid I was shown how to do a proper speed walk. Let me make it clear first of all that speed walking is very challenging and make no mistake that those folks that do it are indeed getting a fantastic work out - but don't they look a little dorky??? ha ha!! Maybe my vanity is kicking in already but I really didn't want to look like a speed walker!! So I kicked it up a notch and started a wee trot down the path and so it goes.. the rest of the story precedes this one. A side note too - my knee has still been hurting me. Now that I actually pay attention and listen to my body it was telling me that my quad muscle was pulling on a ligament that was throwing things off a bit in my knee, and I could help it along by doing some extra stretches... I was telling Elaine last Friday that is has been hurting me occasionally - (she had asked because my knees are ridiculously cracky and she was making me do sumo squats) - and wouldn't you know... she said the EXACT explanation that my body told me?? While it was nice to have the confirmation from a professional - I know I can trust my body to tell me what is right and what is wrong. Not ONCE has my knee hurt during any exercises - its always after the fact, and every now and then when I'm jogging - but I think that might just be a 'growing pain' - still a little bit too much weight on my joints, and that's OK, cause the weight is going!!
I also wanted to mention that Elaine did not miss a beat when I told her I had kicked things up to a jog by saying "didn't you tell me you hate to run?????"... ha ha!... I said "YYEESSSSSSS!!! BAH!" ha ha ha! Crow tastes good. MMmmmm real good.
SO the wee bitty of info that I have been leaving out is that these last little updates of inches lost have only been based on 4 out of 9 different measurements!! So tomorrow marks my 6th week of competition so we will be doing the full set of measurements, as well as the fitness test. I will have lots of really great news to report after the weekend!! I am VERY excited!!!
I hate running. *emphasis on the period.
"I hate running" were among my very first words to Elaine when she first came to my house to whoop my ass. I HATE running... hate is a strong word. I have tried it in the past, really tried - took an actual running 'clinic' to learn how to do it properly ect... but something was wrong because I ended up with nothing but shin splints and a very sore knee. I refuse to call my knee injured NOW... then I didn't... I let everyone tell me that knee injury's were very common in runners and I should be going to get it checked out. Which I guess made sense, I was new to the sport, better safe than sorry - but I was doing well, and I proceeded to use that as the excuse to quit. Looking back now I don't know if it was THAT bad... I really don't. The doctor was vague - didn't see anything predominantly wrong with it, but I did go do some physio and worked on it for a bit, and with all the rest it did get better. I'm pretty certain I used it as an excuse. The weird thing is, when I was in that running clinic - I was really liking it. A friend of mine at the time hooked me up and it was fun. I think some insecurities got the best of me and just took over. I was an outsider, everyone else was an experienced runner, and while I enjoyed being out and about I didn't enjoy their company before or after. I felt weird - so why not take the easy way and quit?
WHY NOT???? - fuck I can think of a myriad of answers to that question now!! Damn ya know? I do believe that everything happens for a reason. SSSsooooo for whatever reason at that time, I wasn't ready for a change - I wasn't ready to move on and move forward... and when I think back to where I was in my life at that time it makes total sense. It was a period of recovery that seemed to require a lot of solitude, reflection and vegetation; but also a lot of partying hard, drug use and copious amounts of booze. An escape. It was good, I had fun - nothing bad happened (well to me anyways), met some great people but inevitably one has to move on. Now here I am.... and guess what?? I'm starting to freakin run!!! It is still in spurts right now but every time I go out I can jog further and further. In less than a week I accidentally took 4 minutes off of my time. I didn't mean to because I have a 40 minute goal to hit and what took me 42 minutes last Thursday took me only 38 yesterday! ITS FUN!! I'm really enjoying it!! I keep amazing myself with how far I go - I literally will run out of walking path and have to plan new routes! - I'm constantly reminded of that old commercial.. I think it was Nike or something... where they are sarcastically making fun of active people... "Ya... I used to run!! - WHEN I WAS 10!!!" ha ha ha! - it cracks me up! - and I have been know to say... "holy fuck, its 5:30am why the hell is that idiot out running???" tee hee hee... I guess I'm that idiot, well slowly turning into that idiot anyways!! I'm eating so much crow to myself right now that I won't have to eat for a year. It makes me LAUGH.... really laugh!! It's awesome. It also makes me realize how much I appreciate that time to myself. Its hard to tell TRUE time to yourself I think. I'm completely in tuned with my body during that time which seems to set my mind free to ramble, and the shit that pops in their is something else. The void of any distraction - TV, books, music, talking... its precious precious quiet time.
*I just wanted to include this thought about why I 'think' that I hate running... because as you know from previous posts I have never been a lightweight... and I have this memory from gym class in high school, I forget which grade it was but doesn't matter - we were outside playing baseball - which I liked because I was a GREAT hitter - and my turn came up... I hit that freakin ball so good and I started just a givn'er for first base. Everyone was yelling "Run Terri Run!!!!" and I was like "I AM!!!"... and then there was a harsh silence that fell as everyone realized I was already trying my hardest... that sucked. I think I may have still scored, but that will stick in my mind forever!!
Challenge for this post... find yourself a way that you can enjoy TRUE time to yourself. Where you are not distracted by anything, your not occupied doing something - not even doing something you enjoy.. just be with yourself and be completely aware of your body and concentrate on your breathing and let your mind relax and wander. You may just discover something like 42 blog posts in there... ha ha! you never know!!
WHY NOT???? - fuck I can think of a myriad of answers to that question now!! Damn ya know? I do believe that everything happens for a reason. SSSsooooo for whatever reason at that time, I wasn't ready for a change - I wasn't ready to move on and move forward... and when I think back to where I was in my life at that time it makes total sense. It was a period of recovery that seemed to require a lot of solitude, reflection and vegetation; but also a lot of partying hard, drug use and copious amounts of booze. An escape. It was good, I had fun - nothing bad happened (well to me anyways), met some great people but inevitably one has to move on. Now here I am.... and guess what?? I'm starting to freakin run!!! It is still in spurts right now but every time I go out I can jog further and further. In less than a week I accidentally took 4 minutes off of my time. I didn't mean to because I have a 40 minute goal to hit and what took me 42 minutes last Thursday took me only 38 yesterday! ITS FUN!! I'm really enjoying it!! I keep amazing myself with how far I go - I literally will run out of walking path and have to plan new routes! - I'm constantly reminded of that old commercial.. I think it was Nike or something... where they are sarcastically making fun of active people... "Ya... I used to run!! - WHEN I WAS 10!!!" ha ha ha! - it cracks me up! - and I have been know to say... "holy fuck, its 5:30am why the hell is that idiot out running???" tee hee hee... I guess I'm that idiot, well slowly turning into that idiot anyways!! I'm eating so much crow to myself right now that I won't have to eat for a year. It makes me LAUGH.... really laugh!! It's awesome. It also makes me realize how much I appreciate that time to myself. Its hard to tell TRUE time to yourself I think. I'm completely in tuned with my body during that time which seems to set my mind free to ramble, and the shit that pops in their is something else. The void of any distraction - TV, books, music, talking... its precious precious quiet time.
*I just wanted to include this thought about why I 'think' that I hate running... because as you know from previous posts I have never been a lightweight... and I have this memory from gym class in high school, I forget which grade it was but doesn't matter - we were outside playing baseball - which I liked because I was a GREAT hitter - and my turn came up... I hit that freakin ball so good and I started just a givn'er for first base. Everyone was yelling "Run Terri Run!!!!" and I was like "I AM!!!"... and then there was a harsh silence that fell as everyone realized I was already trying my hardest... that sucked. I think I may have still scored, but that will stick in my mind forever!!
Challenge for this post... find yourself a way that you can enjoy TRUE time to yourself. Where you are not distracted by anything, your not occupied doing something - not even doing something you enjoy.. just be with yourself and be completely aware of your body and concentrate on your breathing and let your mind relax and wander. You may just discover something like 42 blog posts in there... ha ha! you never know!!
Don't sweat the small stuff
There have been a couple of diets that I have tried that have said not to eat Carrots. Now I know they might not be the most nutrient packed veggie out there, and I know they are higher in sugar then most veggies as well but really??? Its a fuckin carrot. It comes out of the ground, and we eat it just the way it is... the way nature intended... its a vegetable and I'm eating it. Of course I'm making sure it is part of a variety of veggies that I eat every day but don't beat yourself up over these tiny details. Another tiny detail I'm not worrying about... dressing.... you know if I make up a huge ass salad to go with my supper, packed full of veggies and healthy goodness I'm gonna go ahead a put some ranch on there if I feel like it. Again, don't misunderstand - I watch how much is going on - chances are if you are eating your salad more like a soup then you have too much dressing on there!! I've even opted just to have it on the side and dip, its a little easier to watch your serving size. The bottom line is... if a wee dip of ranchy goodness is going to help me jam in a wack of veggies - then I'm doin it! ha ha ha! If we nit - pick ourselves to death I think we will drive ourselves batty and in the long run it will only work against us. There is a wicked easy recipe for a home made salad dressing that you can play with too, it is really good! Mix up some Extra Virgin Olive Oil with some Balsamic vinegar and add cracked pepper and a wack of garlic!! Let it sit and peculate for an hour or so and OOooooo baby!! To quote D "if that don't send ya, you don't want to go!!!"
Speaking of D, he came grocery shopping with me on Sunday. It was really nice to have the company and the help but he does sneak things into the cart that would otherwise never be in there. For example fresh baked chocolate chip cookies from the bakery. Oh baby! And he had to eat a couple on the way home in the car... they smelled SO ridiculously good. Of course, like the gentleman he is, he offered me one or a bite and I politely declined... so he says "well, you can have a cookie if you want to though right?" (refering directly to my change in lifestyle) and I said "Ya.. of course I can, I'm just choosing not to right now because I got the distinct feeling from Elaine that my competition in the challenge is making excellent progress as well" .. so he thought that made sense, and so do I. She did sound like my competitors we're fierce so I have to "keep it up". There are always going to be temptations around. I have to learn to keep control of myself and make sure I'm eating things for the right reason. They say the very best way of course is to just keep the junk out of your house. Its not going to happen in my world. I'm not going to deny D of things he wants to have around just because I'm going to 'slip' one day and eat a tray of cookies. Its not gonna happen. - He's lost his 100 pounds and works out 6 times a week, he can do and have whatever the hell he wants!! I'm also not going to 'slip' one day and eat a tray of cookies! I've learned now that food if for feeding your body not your emotions. I didn't ever really think that I was eating for my emotions, but looking back now I'm pretty sure that I was. Especially boredom.. well there's nothing to do, lets make nachos!! I think because my life is so great and so happy I thought "I'm not an emotional eater, I'm happy - I just like to eat", but what I wasn't realizing was the feelings I had for me were slipping and those were the ones I was trying to hide away or eat away.
Now that I am out of hiding I don't have to hide things anymore!! ha ha!! YAY!! What a relief. And it turns out that half of the reason why I was draggin ass day in and day out was because I wasn't eating any protein. Hardly ANY protein until lunch, then sometimes not even until supper!!! How can I expect my body to carry me through if I'm not giving it what it needs?? DUH. Just a bit of education is all it takes. I actually eat MORE now than I did before!! Who'd of thunk it??
Speaking of D, he came grocery shopping with me on Sunday. It was really nice to have the company and the help but he does sneak things into the cart that would otherwise never be in there. For example fresh baked chocolate chip cookies from the bakery. Oh baby! And he had to eat a couple on the way home in the car... they smelled SO ridiculously good. Of course, like the gentleman he is, he offered me one or a bite and I politely declined... so he says "well, you can have a cookie if you want to though right?" (refering directly to my change in lifestyle) and I said "Ya.. of course I can, I'm just choosing not to right now because I got the distinct feeling from Elaine that my competition in the challenge is making excellent progress as well" .. so he thought that made sense, and so do I. She did sound like my competitors we're fierce so I have to "keep it up". There are always going to be temptations around. I have to learn to keep control of myself and make sure I'm eating things for the right reason. They say the very best way of course is to just keep the junk out of your house. Its not going to happen in my world. I'm not going to deny D of things he wants to have around just because I'm going to 'slip' one day and eat a tray of cookies. Its not gonna happen. - He's lost his 100 pounds and works out 6 times a week, he can do and have whatever the hell he wants!! I'm also not going to 'slip' one day and eat a tray of cookies! I've learned now that food if for feeding your body not your emotions. I didn't ever really think that I was eating for my emotions, but looking back now I'm pretty sure that I was. Especially boredom.. well there's nothing to do, lets make nachos!! I think because my life is so great and so happy I thought "I'm not an emotional eater, I'm happy - I just like to eat", but what I wasn't realizing was the feelings I had for me were slipping and those were the ones I was trying to hide away or eat away.
Now that I am out of hiding I don't have to hide things anymore!! ha ha!! YAY!! What a relief. And it turns out that half of the reason why I was draggin ass day in and day out was because I wasn't eating any protein. Hardly ANY protein until lunch, then sometimes not even until supper!!! How can I expect my body to carry me through if I'm not giving it what it needs?? DUH. Just a bit of education is all it takes. I actually eat MORE now than I did before!! Who'd of thunk it??
VISION
I may have touched briefly on this subject but I don't think I quite said a couple things I wanted to! - and if I am repeating myself then too bad.... its good stuff so go with it! ha ha ha!
I picture myself already at the end of this journey. That's not to say that I am not living in the moment and enjoying every step of this process - but I see myself already being done. Its a concept that Jen taught me and I'm certain she read it somewhere so once again I am probably plagiarizing but there ya go...! If you can visualize your goal - whatever it may be, doesn't have to be about losing weight - it makes the process seem so much easier. "I'm already done! - I KNOW I can do this because I have already succeeded." How nice is that?? I actually had a hard time with it, because I really don't know how I'm going to look, although I expect it will be similar to when I was 18 or something! - body wise anyways. The vision of a healthier me, a fit me, seems to be enough. I'm really trying not to make it about the physical appearance, although it is going to be a wonderful side effect! I visualize being active and full of business. I see myself after completing all of my sessions with Elaine joining in on one of her boot camps because I no longer worry about being able to keep up. I see myself rocking that freakin wet suit the next time I go rafting, and not being quite so worried about falling out because anyone in that boat will be able to pull me back in. And I FEEL it.. That's the second most important part. After you get the picture or idea in your mind, feel it. How good will you feel once you are there? Then feel it NOW. I am so full of pride, and so boiling over with happiness. It feels so good to be able to look back and see how amazing I did!!
I think thoughts like that have REALLY aided in my success. The mental is half of the battle for sure. I don't want to take away from how stinking hard I am working... because believe me I am working fucking hard and it does hurt!! And if it doesn't hurt that bad in the moment it freakin hurts the next day!! ha ha ha!! I have basically been stiff and/or sore for over 5 weeks now! I think that's where the mental battle comes in and I know my success can be equally attributed to that. Bare with me while I touch on a subject that may seem 'out there' to some. I've learned a lot about how to get what you want in life by Leveraging the Universe (Mike Dooley). I think some are just born with this ability, to others it comes easily, and to others it takes a lot of time and work to get there. Basically think of it has every single thought you have sends a pulse out 'there'.. and basically you're individual world can and will be affected by it. This is why it's important to continue to day dream as we get older. They do mean something. If you want to add more strength to a certain thought or wish then you need to really believe it, and feel it, and it will manifest before you know it! Act like it is already done. That's what I'm doing, and my results have been so amazing, and Elaine is just so proud, (well everyone is really) and I am a little bit in shock actually!!! I shouldn't be because I already know the end result but fuck me its working!!! This past Friday brought another 4 pound loss and another 4 inches!! - I'm basically losing an inch per pound which is ridiculous!! - my damn bra is no good anymore! and stinkin bras are expensive!! ha ha! but what a WONDERFUL problem to have!!!
So I guess what I am trying to say is to still BE in the moment, and enjoy every little thing and appreciate the process and be grateful for every step, but FEEL your success NOW. It's already done. You've already succeeded.
I picture myself already at the end of this journey. That's not to say that I am not living in the moment and enjoying every step of this process - but I see myself already being done. Its a concept that Jen taught me and I'm certain she read it somewhere so once again I am probably plagiarizing but there ya go...! If you can visualize your goal - whatever it may be, doesn't have to be about losing weight - it makes the process seem so much easier. "I'm already done! - I KNOW I can do this because I have already succeeded." How nice is that?? I actually had a hard time with it, because I really don't know how I'm going to look, although I expect it will be similar to when I was 18 or something! - body wise anyways. The vision of a healthier me, a fit me, seems to be enough. I'm really trying not to make it about the physical appearance, although it is going to be a wonderful side effect! I visualize being active and full of business. I see myself after completing all of my sessions with Elaine joining in on one of her boot camps because I no longer worry about being able to keep up. I see myself rocking that freakin wet suit the next time I go rafting, and not being quite so worried about falling out because anyone in that boat will be able to pull me back in. And I FEEL it.. That's the second most important part. After you get the picture or idea in your mind, feel it. How good will you feel once you are there? Then feel it NOW. I am so full of pride, and so boiling over with happiness. It feels so good to be able to look back and see how amazing I did!!
I think thoughts like that have REALLY aided in my success. The mental is half of the battle for sure. I don't want to take away from how stinking hard I am working... because believe me I am working fucking hard and it does hurt!! And if it doesn't hurt that bad in the moment it freakin hurts the next day!! ha ha ha!! I have basically been stiff and/or sore for over 5 weeks now! I think that's where the mental battle comes in and I know my success can be equally attributed to that. Bare with me while I touch on a subject that may seem 'out there' to some. I've learned a lot about how to get what you want in life by Leveraging the Universe (Mike Dooley). I think some are just born with this ability, to others it comes easily, and to others it takes a lot of time and work to get there. Basically think of it has every single thought you have sends a pulse out 'there'.. and basically you're individual world can and will be affected by it. This is why it's important to continue to day dream as we get older. They do mean something. If you want to add more strength to a certain thought or wish then you need to really believe it, and feel it, and it will manifest before you know it! Act like it is already done. That's what I'm doing, and my results have been so amazing, and Elaine is just so proud, (well everyone is really) and I am a little bit in shock actually!!! I shouldn't be because I already know the end result but fuck me its working!!! This past Friday brought another 4 pound loss and another 4 inches!! - I'm basically losing an inch per pound which is ridiculous!! - my damn bra is no good anymore! and stinkin bras are expensive!! ha ha! but what a WONDERFUL problem to have!!!
So I guess what I am trying to say is to still BE in the moment, and enjoy every little thing and appreciate the process and be grateful for every step, but FEEL your success NOW. It's already done. You've already succeeded.
The Salt factor
Everyone these days in on and on about salt and how we need to reduce it in our diets. I freakin LOVE me my salt!! I like adding so much salt that sometimes it burns my lips!! - a good example would be corn on the cob... ooooohhhhhhhh bbabbbyyyyyyy...... I think its one of those wee facts out there that anyone with a bit of German in their blood loves salt... I have no idea why, but it seems to be the case... Even before I started working with Elaine I had made the choice to start using Sea Salt in everything instead of table salt. Previously I had saved it for use on homemade salt and pepper chicken wings, so yummy... It made me finally think if I enjoy it that much on the wings, why wouldn't I try to use it elsewhere...?? So I whipped it out of the cupboard and it now has its very own wee place sitting with the table salt and the pepper grinder, and that's what i have been using everywhere I would normally add table salt. Now that it's out however, people have been asking me "why?"... and I say - "well its better for you..."... and they say... "oookkkkkk, but why?"... and I say "look, fuck off already ok? I just know that it is... shut up. But it must have to do with the processing....." And I was right!! It does!! - here is some info that I have found:
Sea Salt
Sea salt is the unrefined salt that is obtained by simply evaporating the water from the seas or oceans. Sea water is channeled into man-made pools along protected shores, and is then left under the Sun till all the water gets evaporated. What is left behind in the pools is sea salt. Sea salt is 98% sodium chloride, while the remaining 2% is made of other important minerals like iron, sulfur, magnesium and other trace elements. Due to higher mineral content, sea salts are more flavored than table salt. Sea salts are used as crust for baked potatoes. Chefs also use it in French or Thai cuisines.
Table Salt
The common table salt is 99.9% sodium chloride. It is obtained from the terrestrial salt deposits which are mined, heat-blasted and chemically treated. Due to these processes, table salt is stripped of all minerals other than sodium and chloride. Some anti-caking agents are added to table salt to make it free flowing. Although, initially table salt which had just sodium and chlorine as the only minerals was consumed by people, later on, salt manufacturers started adding iodine to it to prevent people from suffering from iodine deficiency diseases.
So Basically, unless you have a known iodine deficiency there are no benefits to table salt at all. Here is one more line from the same article:
The refining process of table salt strips it of all of its minerals, other than sodium and chloride. This makes it an unnatural substance as compared to sea salt, and contributes to high blood pressure, heart and kidney diseases. On the other hand, health benefits of sea salt include, inducing proper sleep, promoting efficient working of the liver, kidneys and the adrenal glands. Sea salts also boost the immune system of the body and don't cause high blood pressure like refined table salt.
You can take it from me, an admitted salt-a-holic that sea salt still gives you that 'fix' that you may want even thought the flavour isn't quite as powerful as table salt. It still has a fantastic salty goodness taste that satisfies! (wow... that sounded like a commercial didn't it!!! bah ha ha ha! I swear I'm not getting paid for this...) I would think switching to this alone in your cooking, baking, and seasoning would help a great deal. Somewhere around 2300 milligrams of salt is the daily limit that is supposed to be healthy, although there are many experts that say half of that would be better!! - the 2300 works out to about one teaspoon of salt. Which is my world is a VERY small amount of salt!! ha ha!! Elaine promotes eating pure, fresh and natural; by doing this and staying away from processed foods, and prepared meals alone you can save on your salt intake! This way if you're making everything fresh at home, you know what you're putting in your body at all times. Without a doubt - that's the way it should be!! Humans existed before microwaves and the Hungry Man dinner!!! - it can be done people!!
Sea Salt
Sea salt is the unrefined salt that is obtained by simply evaporating the water from the seas or oceans. Sea water is channeled into man-made pools along protected shores, and is then left under the Sun till all the water gets evaporated. What is left behind in the pools is sea salt. Sea salt is 98% sodium chloride, while the remaining 2% is made of other important minerals like iron, sulfur, magnesium and other trace elements. Due to higher mineral content, sea salts are more flavored than table salt. Sea salts are used as crust for baked potatoes. Chefs also use it in French or Thai cuisines.
Table Salt
The common table salt is 99.9% sodium chloride. It is obtained from the terrestrial salt deposits which are mined, heat-blasted and chemically treated. Due to these processes, table salt is stripped of all minerals other than sodium and chloride. Some anti-caking agents are added to table salt to make it free flowing. Although, initially table salt which had just sodium and chlorine as the only minerals was consumed by people, later on, salt manufacturers started adding iodine to it to prevent people from suffering from iodine deficiency diseases.
So Basically, unless you have a known iodine deficiency there are no benefits to table salt at all. Here is one more line from the same article:
You can take it from me, an admitted salt-a-holic that sea salt still gives you that 'fix' that you may want even thought the flavour isn't quite as powerful as table salt. It still has a fantastic salty goodness taste that satisfies! (wow... that sounded like a commercial didn't it!!! bah ha ha ha! I swear I'm not getting paid for this...) I would think switching to this alone in your cooking, baking, and seasoning would help a great deal. Somewhere around 2300 milligrams of salt is the daily limit that is supposed to be healthy, although there are many experts that say half of that would be better!! - the 2300 works out to about one teaspoon of salt. Which is my world is a VERY small amount of salt!! ha ha!! Elaine promotes eating pure, fresh and natural; by doing this and staying away from processed foods, and prepared meals alone you can save on your salt intake! This way if you're making everything fresh at home, you know what you're putting in your body at all times. Without a doubt - that's the way it should be!! Humans existed before microwaves and the Hungry Man dinner!!! - it can be done people!!
THE CALL
I made the call yesterday to not do anything at all! Elaine sent me an e-mail saying that a walk could indeed help move the bug through me, and for sure listen to my body but whatever I do - Don't get a chill. Considering I had already had the chills for quote sometime and every fibre in my being was telling me to go to bed, I left work a bit early, had some nice hot soup and put myself to bed. I slept through until 7:00pm and got up for an hour and fed myself some more, then turned around and went right back to sleep again!! I think it was the right call for sure! We do need to listen to our bodies and put them first, and if you're certain you are not just creating an excuse in your mind then do what your body tells you too. When the guilt about it creeps up you tell it to piss right off and that everything will be just fine! I slept all through the night and am feeling a little better today, but still on the mend for sure. Today is a workout day though, so now I'm panicking - of course - this is all I know what to do from past experience. Today I am going to make sure I do SOMETHING... I'm going to aim to do my workout to its fullest extent, but if I get any negative responses from my body I'll just cut it down a bit and finish up with a bit of cardio or go straight to the walking portion and knock that out. I can tell already that I feel good enough to do something, and as long as I accomplish something I am still on the right track. Forward movement.
Now all this (hand in hand with my post from yesterday) has brought about the huge desire to 'cheat' and to stray from the clean eating that I have been enjoying so much!! Something about being sick makes a person want every comfort food out there!! ALL of it is something that is processed, or sweet, or salty fat and its oh so Mmm Mmm good! Yesterday I did stray.. nothing too major but I did have Liptons chicken noodle soup which is full of white pasta, but is stuck in my head as a cure-all, so I ate it up and enjoyed every bite! - I did opt not to have the premium plus crackers in there though, which is that step in the right direction. I also had a cookie... while i waited for my soup cause I was hungry and I was "craving" a sweet. CRAVING.. there's a good word... Elaine and I have talked about this... after my post about "they"... where do cravings even come from?? Cookie company's? - I'm sure every woman who has ever been pregnant is going to shoot me for this one but really... are you sending your husband out for a pint of Hagen Daas at 3:00am because you really NEED to eat ice cream... or are you doing it because this is what we have always heard happens when you're pregnant?? I guess I'd challenge everyone to find the truth in those feelings as well. - you're body WILL ask for things... if you're low on Potassium you'll want a banana, if you're shy on protein perhaps you'll stop en route home for a steak to BBQ for supper. These "cravings" SERVE your body. If you're "craving" chocolates, sweets or salty fat chances are you are just hungry in general OR even better thirsty. Next time your "craving" a sweet - try chugging half a glass of water. Or add a splash of juice to it then you will get a wee shot of sugar while you're at it. But I bet you 9 times out of 10 it'll do the trick.
How many of you are calling me a hypocrite now?? Ha ha ha!! Why didn't I take my own advice you say??? - Because i didn't want to!!! - I made that decision in the moment and I went with it, and did not feel bad about it! When you do 'cheat' or stray, try to keep it to a minimum but whatever happens do not feel bad about it! Once you start up those negative feelings you will only attract more negative. My thoughts went like this: "My body is a machine, I am constantly burning fat, I absorb only good nutrients the rest just passes through me".... if you entertain thoughts like "ugh this is going to stick right to my thighs" - it will. "dammit now I've cheated once,, I'm going to be a failure I may as well give up" - you will eventually. Be certain to curve those thoughts immediately!! And try to cheat early in the day..!! The more time you have to burn it off the better... Oooo and on Monday, I also had a frozen yogurt cone... it tasted like a wee bit of heaven!! ha ha ha!! - that's the other bonus to cutting yourself down on these things... when you do have a small cone, a bit, a half of anything... you APPRECIATE the flavor so much more and you savour it...
Now all this (hand in hand with my post from yesterday) has brought about the huge desire to 'cheat' and to stray from the clean eating that I have been enjoying so much!! Something about being sick makes a person want every comfort food out there!! ALL of it is something that is processed, or sweet, or salty fat and its oh so Mmm Mmm good! Yesterday I did stray.. nothing too major but I did have Liptons chicken noodle soup which is full of white pasta, but is stuck in my head as a cure-all, so I ate it up and enjoyed every bite! - I did opt not to have the premium plus crackers in there though, which is that step in the right direction. I also had a cookie... while i waited for my soup cause I was hungry and I was "craving" a sweet. CRAVING.. there's a good word... Elaine and I have talked about this... after my post about "they"... where do cravings even come from?? Cookie company's? - I'm sure every woman who has ever been pregnant is going to shoot me for this one but really... are you sending your husband out for a pint of Hagen Daas at 3:00am because you really NEED to eat ice cream... or are you doing it because this is what we have always heard happens when you're pregnant?? I guess I'd challenge everyone to find the truth in those feelings as well. - you're body WILL ask for things... if you're low on Potassium you'll want a banana, if you're shy on protein perhaps you'll stop en route home for a steak to BBQ for supper. These "cravings" SERVE your body. If you're "craving" chocolates, sweets or salty fat chances are you are just hungry in general OR even better thirsty. Next time your "craving" a sweet - try chugging half a glass of water. Or add a splash of juice to it then you will get a wee shot of sugar while you're at it. But I bet you 9 times out of 10 it'll do the trick.
How many of you are calling me a hypocrite now?? Ha ha ha!! Why didn't I take my own advice you say??? - Because i didn't want to!!! - I made that decision in the moment and I went with it, and did not feel bad about it! When you do 'cheat' or stray, try to keep it to a minimum but whatever happens do not feel bad about it! Once you start up those negative feelings you will only attract more negative. My thoughts went like this: "My body is a machine, I am constantly burning fat, I absorb only good nutrients the rest just passes through me".... if you entertain thoughts like "ugh this is going to stick right to my thighs" - it will. "dammit now I've cheated once,, I'm going to be a failure I may as well give up" - you will eventually. Be certain to curve those thoughts immediately!! And try to cheat early in the day..!! The more time you have to burn it off the better... Oooo and on Monday, I also had a frozen yogurt cone... it tasted like a wee bit of heaven!! ha ha ha!! - that's the other bonus to cutting yourself down on these things... when you do have a small cone, a bit, a half of anything... you APPRECIATE the flavor so much more and you savour it...
The Inevitable Obstacles
We are all bound to come across an obstacle or two that may put a small kink in our path to wellness. My first example was during my first week of exercise. My second time out walking I wore a pair of socks that i didn't realized had a hole in one of the heels. So sure enough about half way through I wore a hole in my heel!! - now we've all been there, it freakin stings... and when you walk 20 mins away from your house, you have to walk 20 mins BACK!! ha ha! So by the time i got home it was a decent one that's for sure. My first thought "well, I'm going to have to wait for that to heal up before I can walk again." ha ha! Really Ter??? Do ya HAVE TO?? - so I totally busted myself, drowned that thing in Polysporin and the next day put on a hard core band aid and out I went! And do ya know what???? - everything was just fine!!!! GASP!! SHOCKER!! **insert sarcasm here** - Its my amazing ability to rationalize anything that gets me out of exercise. So I made it over that one and was proud for not letting myself off of the hook. Got me through an amazing first month, and this past Friday had lost another 3.5 pounds and 2 more inches!! FREAKIN WICKED!!
NOW..... yesterday I woke up feeling pretty darn good actually.... but that feeling didn't last long at all!! I caught a freakin cold apparently that just popped out of no where PLUS I got my angry angry visit from mother nature all on a Monday Morning... LOVELY.... Now I am only gonna touch on mother nature for the quickest of moments because who the hell wants to sit around and talk about that - plus I do know I have a couple male readers and I don't want to scare them off!!!! - I just want to say to beware of it - or more like be AWARE of it... and the time around it because it makes us think that we need CHOCOLATE and ice cream and salty good chips at 9:00 at night and just MORE in general.... when in actuality you don't... you don't need anything different then what you have any other day! - except maybe an Aleve and some extra water to get the bloating down... and the bloating sucks too cause it can make even the skinniest balinky out there feel fat, so be certain to keep those positive thoughts up too and tell yourself good things!!
Now as far as being sick goes... I've done a bit of research this morning to see how one should handle exercising while sick. The basic consensus I have found is that if the your symptoms are neck and up, there isn't much to worry about, but if they are neck down - there should be more concern. Actually here's the quote that I found:
Seems to make good common sense to me... will see what Elaine's thoughts are on the issue as well. I think my point on this one is to just make sure that we don't rationalize our way around our new routine and try to debunk any excuses and challenge their validity. We will only end up cheating ourselves in the end! Worked out pretty good for me because yesterday was my regularly scheduled day off from exercise, and now today I just have to make it for a walk. I've been adding spurts of jogging into my walks now but for today I may just knock that back a bit and be sure not to stretch myself too far. But I'm betting a walk will feel really good, fresh air can always help!
NOW..... yesterday I woke up feeling pretty darn good actually.... but that feeling didn't last long at all!! I caught a freakin cold apparently that just popped out of no where PLUS I got my angry angry visit from mother nature all on a Monday Morning... LOVELY.... Now I am only gonna touch on mother nature for the quickest of moments because who the hell wants to sit around and talk about that - plus I do know I have a couple male readers and I don't want to scare them off!!!! - I just want to say to beware of it - or more like be AWARE of it... and the time around it because it makes us think that we need CHOCOLATE and ice cream and salty good chips at 9:00 at night and just MORE in general.... when in actuality you don't... you don't need anything different then what you have any other day! - except maybe an Aleve and some extra water to get the bloating down... and the bloating sucks too cause it can make even the skinniest balinky out there feel fat, so be certain to keep those positive thoughts up too and tell yourself good things!!
Now as far as being sick goes... I've done a bit of research this morning to see how one should handle exercising while sick. The basic consensus I have found is that if the your symptoms are neck and up, there isn't much to worry about, but if they are neck down - there should be more concern. Actually here's the quote that I found:
"Answer
from Edward R. Laskowski, M.D.
Mild to moderate physical activity is usually OK if you have a cold but no fever. Exercise may even help you feel better by temporarily relieving nasal congestion.
As a rule of thumb for exercise and illness:
- Proceed with your workout if your signs and symptoms are "above the neck" — such as runny nose, nasal congestion, sneezing or sore throat. Be prepared to reduce the intensity of your workout if needed, however.
- Postpone your workout if your signs and symptoms are "below the neck" — such as chest congestion, hacking cough or upset stomach. Likewise, don't exercise if you have a fever, fatigue or widespread muscle aches.
If you choose to exercise when you're sick, listen to your body. If your signs and symptoms get worse with physical activity, stop and rest. Resume your workout routine gradually as you begin to feel better"
Seems to make good common sense to me... will see what Elaine's thoughts are on the issue as well. I think my point on this one is to just make sure that we don't rationalize our way around our new routine and try to debunk any excuses and challenge their validity. We will only end up cheating ourselves in the end! Worked out pretty good for me because yesterday was my regularly scheduled day off from exercise, and now today I just have to make it for a walk. I've been adding spurts of jogging into my walks now but for today I may just knock that back a bit and be sure not to stretch myself too far. But I'm betting a walk will feel really good, fresh air can always help!
Appreciation and being Thankful
So I was lying in bed last night... most nights we like to watch TV for a little while before we head off to sleep.... it usually about a 2 minute process I go through to lay on my back and smooth down all the covers and yank it tight so that i can see the TV without having to prop my head up too much. Last night I didn't have to do any of that!!! I just laid down got all snugly and bam-o.. there was the TV screen in full view. I thought to myself "HUH... It must be because my tummy is that much smaller" ha ha ha ha!!! Isn't that the best???!!!! I was so happy in that moment right there!! I thought THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! Thank me for noticing and taking that moment to appreciate the work that I have accomplished, to appreciate myself. - immediately after that moment passed I thought about the last time I dropped some weight. I lost 28 pounds in one month and it was wonderful, but you know... I don't recall having one single moment like that?! I signed up for this program called Sureslim - I spent more money they I'm spending on personal training right now, I'll just toss that in there - Sureslim boasts that you get to lose all of this weight but correcting your metabolism through food and you don't even have to exercise!!! WHOAH. Red light. I wish I saw that light at the time but it was a good learning experience. Because what is it that Tammie says repeatedly??? - "THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR EXERCISE" ... I should have known... cause while it worked for one month the eating plan was too ridiculous to keep up with forever and all that weight came pouring back about as fast as I had lost it. Plus almost 10 more!!!!! WTF???!! Crushing for sure....
There might be these short cuts that work immediately and temporarily - but there is no short cut to the long run. There is so much pride is working for what you get. It means SO MUCH MORE when you work your ass off for it (literally ahem..) Then your decisions become so easy because you have learned what its going to take to work off that cheesecake or those potato chips... you'll remember the pain and the sweat - in the best way of course, and you'll know to have just one or two chips, or to share that slice of cheesecake with a bestie. It takes over self control. Your discipline does not have to be perfect, but it has fuel behind it now which is immensely helpful.
Sorry I ended up off topic a bit again!! - good point none the less but as I laid in bed last night I knew my post this morning was going to be about Appreciation. Be thankful and appreciate all of the wee little things that you notice, and be self aware enough that you will notice every little thing. I catch a brush of my own arm now and notice it is firmer.. PRIDE... ooohhhh yyaaaaaaa baby.. then I make a joke to myself like "who's has their tickets for the gun show?" ha ha ha! See how much fun it is..??!! This week I've noticed all sorts of things.... my forearms look and feel slimmer, my fingers even... my ankles! oh my god my ankles look great!! ... seems to be less surface area when I shave my legs now... my hair looks longer I think cause my face might be a tiny bit slimmer.... its unbelievable the things you notice! When you take the time to notice all these little things, the numbers don't even matter anymore - you'll still watch them of course but just be certain to celebrate every teeny tiny accomplishment! I am so thankful for each and every one of them. I appreciate myself so much for all of this effort I am putting in. Finally - I'm looking after me the way I deserve. :-)
There might be these short cuts that work immediately and temporarily - but there is no short cut to the long run. There is so much pride is working for what you get. It means SO MUCH MORE when you work your ass off for it (literally ahem..) Then your decisions become so easy because you have learned what its going to take to work off that cheesecake or those potato chips... you'll remember the pain and the sweat - in the best way of course, and you'll know to have just one or two chips, or to share that slice of cheesecake with a bestie. It takes over self control. Your discipline does not have to be perfect, but it has fuel behind it now which is immensely helpful.
Sorry I ended up off topic a bit again!! - good point none the less but as I laid in bed last night I knew my post this morning was going to be about Appreciation. Be thankful and appreciate all of the wee little things that you notice, and be self aware enough that you will notice every little thing. I catch a brush of my own arm now and notice it is firmer.. PRIDE... ooohhhh yyaaaaaaa baby.. then I make a joke to myself like "who's has their tickets for the gun show?" ha ha ha! See how much fun it is..??!! This week I've noticed all sorts of things.... my forearms look and feel slimmer, my fingers even... my ankles! oh my god my ankles look great!! ... seems to be less surface area when I shave my legs now... my hair looks longer I think cause my face might be a tiny bit slimmer.... its unbelievable the things you notice! When you take the time to notice all these little things, the numbers don't even matter anymore - you'll still watch them of course but just be certain to celebrate every teeny tiny accomplishment! I am so thankful for each and every one of them. I appreciate myself so much for all of this effort I am putting in. Finally - I'm looking after me the way I deserve. :-)
Change
I thought I had better take a mo' to talk about change. Change seems big doesn't it? You hear it all the time, change this, change that, make a life change, make a big change, make just little changes.... its all change - change - change - change - change!!!!!! I could see why a person would end up resistant to that. I'm pretty certain this was a reason for my fear as well. When we decide to make a change we really have no idea what the end result is going to be. And whether its true or not at the time, this change that we make is going to affect every aspect of our lives so of course it seems huge. If we never change anything we will know what the result is going to be each and every time and there is so much comfort in that. But what if we're not happy with that end result. Time and time again we end up disappointed because nothing has changed!! ha ha! Yet we are afraid to take the challenge and the risk of changing one iddy biddy thing just to see what would happen.....
So are we all insane? I would like to know what good ol' Al thought about that.... and some people are really excellent with change and look forward to it - so by no means does this apply to everyone... but why can't change just be easy.... well..... it IS.... if its built up in your mind like its a bad thing then you have been thinking about it WAY too long! And I would challenge you to replace the actual word change with a different one.... I'm choosing to call what I am doing - Evolution. I feel like I have evolved into a - well for lack of a better word - a better person. Not that I was ever a BAD person, but I feel like a better one because I feel smarter - I feel I am treating myself and my body as I always should have - and I am happier day in and day out now. I'm out of the rut.
Here's some more words to use... modify, vary, transform, revolutionize, adjust, amend, alter... see... just wee little things... too easy.... well except for revolutionize I suppose... I LIKE that one... It's a REVOLUTION people!!! Lets do it!!! ha ha ha!!! - suddenly I feel like marching downtown with a herd of women so we can all burn our bras!!!!! YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! WOO!! - (oh my god, I'm totally getting a visual... its just crackin me up)
Oh boy... I'll digress again... ha ha ha! I just don't want anyone to get hung up on the idea of adjustments... it's so tiny, and so easy... and if you make a modification that feels good to you - in your guts - the end result can only be GOOD. It can only be good. Pretty low stakes to gamble with I'd say. You're worth the bet!
Albert Einstein
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
So are we all insane? I would like to know what good ol' Al thought about that.... and some people are really excellent with change and look forward to it - so by no means does this apply to everyone... but why can't change just be easy.... well..... it IS.... if its built up in your mind like its a bad thing then you have been thinking about it WAY too long! And I would challenge you to replace the actual word change with a different one.... I'm choosing to call what I am doing - Evolution. I feel like I have evolved into a - well for lack of a better word - a better person. Not that I was ever a BAD person, but I feel like a better one because I feel smarter - I feel I am treating myself and my body as I always should have - and I am happier day in and day out now. I'm out of the rut.
Here's some more words to use... modify, vary, transform, revolutionize, adjust, amend, alter... see... just wee little things... too easy.... well except for revolutionize I suppose... I LIKE that one... It's a REVOLUTION people!!! Lets do it!!! ha ha ha!!! - suddenly I feel like marching downtown with a herd of women so we can all burn our bras!!!!! YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! WOO!! - (oh my god, I'm totally getting a visual... its just crackin me up)
Oh boy... I'll digress again... ha ha ha! I just don't want anyone to get hung up on the idea of adjustments... it's so tiny, and so easy... and if you make a modification that feels good to you - in your guts - the end result can only be GOOD. It can only be good. Pretty low stakes to gamble with I'd say. You're worth the bet!
Selfishness and Guilt
I feel selfish. Really selfish - probably for the first time ever. For someone who has spent her days trying to please everyone and get along with everyone - and trying to find middle ground so other people can get along, making sure everyone likes her, going out of my way to just make sure everyone is happy and looked after, even going along with things that i wasn't really feelin'... - this is a tough emotion. It is very hard for me to focus on myself so its been a bit of a battle with these emotions creeping up... WHY is it SO hard for me to do something all for myself??? - you know i really don't know... but once again I do have a theory. I think I am afraid of becoming the people that I have met in my life who I saw as being selfish. But I think there are 2 kinds of selfish, maybe even 3... The one that I am afraid to become is the one that seems vain, and completely self consumed. - you know as i write this... I can't even really expand on that. That's weird... I've sat here for a few minutes and wasn't writing anything. So I don't want to be vain and self consumed.. OK... well that's not me... I know myself the very best right now as I have ever had and that is not me at all... so why would me looking a bit different change anything? The truth is, it won't! But I have the fear none the less. If I do get out of hand I know I have the right people around me to get me back in line! - they would tell me... there would be some sort of intervention type scene where they kindly with all the love in the world put me back in my place!! HA HA HA!! - it of course would involve wine.
The other 2 selfishness's (ha ha - did i just make a word??) are the good ones. The lesser evils. The thing is... it's OK to be selfish to the extent that you want to look after yourself. Even a bit of vanity is great because why wouldn't you want to look good everyday? It's not that you're doing it to draw attention from others, you're doing it for you. And for longevity, and health and wellness. So you can always be the very best YOU for your family and friends, or whoever you're close to - see that's not really selfish at all now is it? I just want to be a better ME. Now the 3rd kind of selfishness stems from being the 'only' .... the only child, the only 'one' - you know living alone for a very long time ... this type of thing... its more unconscious at first and subtle, but you get so used to your own world that you forget how to be and act in someone elses - or to act when someone else is in your world. I am best friends with 2 only children and they are both self admittedly selfish, but NEVER would they ever stomp down anyone else to get what they want. They are always out for their own best interest first - but constantly look out for everyone else all the time. So once again... how selfish is that really?? So maybe selfishness is that feeling that we can use to check in with ourselves and decide what our motive is. If our 'm.o.' is for the general good then I think we're OK! If we're planning the demise of a superior in order to achieve their position, we may just want to take the time to consider how selfish we really are! ha ha!
Now I added guilt in there because that has creeped up on me a couple times as well. Mostly because I am taking time away from my home and my wonderful man. I am taking money out of our already ridiculously tight budget. So the guilt creeps in when I forget to do something because I'm out for a walk, or can't pick up something I normally would because I'm out of money... - but I talk with Dion about all of this, and it is all for the greater good. And he understands and supports and is encouraging and is just the very best ever!!! Its a few small sacrifices now to make a difference in the long run in our life together. And a lot of that time I'm taking away from home, and him to go walking and exercising ect... has been made up in working out together in the mornings at least once a week now! - now that's cool! Another first... YAY!
So by writing this out, I have pretty well alleviated all of my fear!!! - this writing has been helping me so much through everything. If you're not doing some form of writing now, I would very highly recommend it! It is so therapeutic. It is high quality selfish time. Even just try to take half an hour once a week and just put pen to paper and see what happens. Or finger to keyboard, or brush to paint... be selfish - do it for you.
***one more side note.... on every post I have put up here, I have spelled exercise wrong!! bah ha ha ha!!! - too funny.
The other 2 selfishness's (ha ha - did i just make a word??) are the good ones. The lesser evils. The thing is... it's OK to be selfish to the extent that you want to look after yourself. Even a bit of vanity is great because why wouldn't you want to look good everyday? It's not that you're doing it to draw attention from others, you're doing it for you. And for longevity, and health and wellness. So you can always be the very best YOU for your family and friends, or whoever you're close to - see that's not really selfish at all now is it? I just want to be a better ME. Now the 3rd kind of selfishness stems from being the 'only' .... the only child, the only 'one' - you know living alone for a very long time ... this type of thing... its more unconscious at first and subtle, but you get so used to your own world that you forget how to be and act in someone elses - or to act when someone else is in your world. I am best friends with 2 only children and they are both self admittedly selfish, but NEVER would they ever stomp down anyone else to get what they want. They are always out for their own best interest first - but constantly look out for everyone else all the time. So once again... how selfish is that really?? So maybe selfishness is that feeling that we can use to check in with ourselves and decide what our motive is. If our 'm.o.' is for the general good then I think we're OK! If we're planning the demise of a superior in order to achieve their position, we may just want to take the time to consider how selfish we really are! ha ha!
Now I added guilt in there because that has creeped up on me a couple times as well. Mostly because I am taking time away from my home and my wonderful man. I am taking money out of our already ridiculously tight budget. So the guilt creeps in when I forget to do something because I'm out for a walk, or can't pick up something I normally would because I'm out of money... - but I talk with Dion about all of this, and it is all for the greater good. And he understands and supports and is encouraging and is just the very best ever!!! Its a few small sacrifices now to make a difference in the long run in our life together. And a lot of that time I'm taking away from home, and him to go walking and exercising ect... has been made up in working out together in the mornings at least once a week now! - now that's cool! Another first... YAY!
So by writing this out, I have pretty well alleviated all of my fear!!! - this writing has been helping me so much through everything. If you're not doing some form of writing now, I would very highly recommend it! It is so therapeutic. It is high quality selfish time. Even just try to take half an hour once a week and just put pen to paper and see what happens. Or finger to keyboard, or brush to paint... be selfish - do it for you.
***one more side note.... on every post I have put up here, I have spelled exercise wrong!! bah ha ha ha!!! - too funny.
Goals
I think it's really important to have a goal in mind. I think it needs to be more of a broad goal that a super specific one. AND I don't think it should be based on numbers, specifically weight. This past Friday was the 3 week mark of the 8 week challenge. I knew Elaine was going to be doing measurements so I made sure to weight myself that morning. When I did, I was very sad to see that I had only lost 5 pounds. I thought "What??? but I've worked SO HARD and feel so good... that just can't be right"... so I was kinda bummed throughout the day but I have been told enough times that its the measurements that matter not the weight, so kept telling myself not to worry until there was something to worry about! Soon enough the end of the work day came, and Elaine came over - and we went through all the measurements one by one and I had lost everywhere!!! To the tune of 7.5 inches I might add!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit right???? Its crazy amazing and feels SO good!!!!! - so in there lies my point... do NOT let that scale run you.... I am the WORST!!! I told myself that I am only going to weigh myself once a week..... that's it... cause I know me, and I'll obsess about it... over every little pound or half pound or whatever!!! KEEP OFF OF IT!!! Opt to measure yourself instead and go by that.... I mean no one knows (well maybe Elaine does) how much muscle weighs in comparison to fat and when you work out you gain muscle mass... so your weight may not fluctuate at all for awhile, OR depending on where you are at it may even go up!!! - this is my theory on myself, and I keep forgetting to ask Elaine if there would be any truth to it, but because I have worked out in the past I think maybe my muscles are bouncing back quickly... I read before that muscles actually have memory so if you've built those muscles up before, they will come back faster than if you hadn't ever built them.
ANYHOO - my goals..... my first goal is to be under 200 pounds.... there are charts and calculations that tell us for our height what we should way. BULLSHIT.... I group that in with "they" because they don't know YOU personally.... every one is built differently... I have 6 very close girlfriends and we are all probably within one inch of height of each other but we are all remarkably different shapes. Even if we all were at 5% body fat there would still be one bigger than the other, one curvier than the other one, and so on and so forth. Don't pick a solid #... I don't think we can ever know what were are 'supposed ' to weigh. But I know I want to be under 200 pounds! That's a good benchmark, and beyond that - I'm just going to wait and see where I end up. - But I think it has been almost 10 years since I have seen my weight under 200. When I make it there, I'm probably going to cry and scream and walk around naked for 2 weeks.
Second goal.... I have a belt. I have a belt that I really love... that I bought on one of my other weight loss attempts, that will go GREAT with the goal jeans that Lindz gave me, and will go FABULOUS with a pair of shoes that Jen bought for me.... now all I need is a wicked top to go with everything else... and then of course someone to take me out when I'm all ready. :-)
Those are my goals for starters... OH!! I should have mentioned too.... my first first goal is to win this 8 week challenge!! - then I get to keep Elaine for longer and reach my other goals sooner! YAY!! - its practically already done! ha ha ha ha ha!!!... a little cockiness never hurt anyone right... emphasis on little. tee hee hee. But also note I did not put a time frame on these goals.... as I said before there is no hurray! You wanna be healthy about it and keep it off, you have to do it right.... and the last thing you need to is to put unnecessary pressures on yourself!
ANYHOO - my goals..... my first goal is to be under 200 pounds.... there are charts and calculations that tell us for our height what we should way. BULLSHIT.... I group that in with "they" because they don't know YOU personally.... every one is built differently... I have 6 very close girlfriends and we are all probably within one inch of height of each other but we are all remarkably different shapes. Even if we all were at 5% body fat there would still be one bigger than the other, one curvier than the other one, and so on and so forth. Don't pick a solid #... I don't think we can ever know what were are 'supposed ' to weigh. But I know I want to be under 200 pounds! That's a good benchmark, and beyond that - I'm just going to wait and see where I end up. - But I think it has been almost 10 years since I have seen my weight under 200. When I make it there, I'm probably going to cry and scream and walk around naked for 2 weeks.
Second goal.... I have a belt. I have a belt that I really love... that I bought on one of my other weight loss attempts, that will go GREAT with the goal jeans that Lindz gave me, and will go FABULOUS with a pair of shoes that Jen bought for me.... now all I need is a wicked top to go with everything else... and then of course someone to take me out when I'm all ready. :-)
Those are my goals for starters... OH!! I should have mentioned too.... my first first goal is to win this 8 week challenge!! - then I get to keep Elaine for longer and reach my other goals sooner! YAY!! - its practically already done! ha ha ha ha ha!!!... a little cockiness never hurt anyone right... emphasis on little. tee hee hee. But also note I did not put a time frame on these goals.... as I said before there is no hurray! You wanna be healthy about it and keep it off, you have to do it right.... and the last thing you need to is to put unnecessary pressures on yourself!
"They"
There is a scene in Pulp Fiction that I really like. The one where John Travolta has to take Uma out on a date and they are discussing whether or not someone was killed for the reason of 'he' giving Uma a foot rub.
Uma asks: "Who said that?"
Johnny says: "They"
Uma says: "They talk a lot don't they?"
and now let me quote from one of Jerry Seinfelds rants..*now put on your best Seinfeld impression*.. "but wwhhhoooooooooo are 'THEY'!!??"
'They' come up a lot! I refer to 'they' all the time.... basically because who the hell are 'they' to tell us anything?? If you think about it, the only things we truly know are what we have learned from our parents, what we've read in books, what we've been taught at school or what we've learned 'the hard way' through life experience. Basically I want to say it in the most harshest of manners - I think to a certain degree we've been brain washed right from the get go. Maybe you have heard it said how babies are 'all knowing'. It is because they are not yet moulded into what society deems a human being. They react purely based on the needs of their body and their soul. Gonna pause on that thought for a moment. I like that thought. It's so simple. I am just learning a TON from being a new auntie! I think my nephew is the smartest boy i have ever been in contact with... he's really teaching me how to get back to basics, the simple things, how to play and be goofy... and to love and be affectionate. I wasn't brought up with much affection at all so it's always been a bit of a foreign concept. Anyways that pureness is something to really appreciate and it is just awesome to watch! - but I think a lot of that pureness ends up getting wrecked by the brain washing I brought up. Its probably a harsh term but we are influenced by SO MANY things... friends, media, books, teachers, boss's, advertisements, professionals (ie: Doctors)... it is next to impossible to stay completely true to yourself. We have to look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain way, have certain beliefs LORDY a person could go nutty... and they have!! ha ha!! This is why I can't get on board with organized religion cause they basically teach people that you have to have faith in a separate entity, and a set of rules to live a good life, and have a good afterlife. - now I am saying that out of pure ignorance of any religion but its what I believe to be true. And don't ALL religions basically believe in the same thing?? A higher power.. the rules change between I suppose, but why not just take its name away and replace it with your own. - I say how about we have faith in OURSELVES first...believe in YOURSELF... and then figure out what you want to do.... no body, and nothing controls our lives except for us. At least thats the way it should be! Everything is a choice.
NOW - sorry that was a rather large rant to bring me to my point.... heh.... there are no secrets to being healthy and losing weight. We have known that for EVER basically, yet time and time again these programs pop up that make us think its the way to go and the answer we've been searching for..... NO ITS NOT!! - the answer is common sense. Dr. Phil has become a multi MULTI millionaire off of common sense which makes me hate him but only because I didn't do it first! The man's a freakin genius. Eat good food and get a bit of exercise. That's IT. Now are there different levels?? Yes of course.... me right now I'm getting some exercise 6 times a week and paying pretty close attention to what I eat because I have a goal of losing weight in somewhat of a timely manner. But that's it. SO easy!! - its not hard guys!! I would guarantee a few small permanent changes in your diet or exercising along with a healthy mind and spirit will make a dramatic difference in the long run. And the long run is the important part - it took you how many years to get fat??? - well it may just take that long to get the weight off - no need to rush.... there really isn't.. and its 400 times better than drastically losing only to gain it all back. That's so damn hard on person. So listen to yourself. Listen to your body. And only trust the theories that you find true to yourself, and that serve your purpose. And Elaine is so great here too - she didn't come to me with a big ol' strict-ass eating plan... more just concentrated on eating pure good food.... staying away from processed foods and boxed 'easy' foods... giving your body what it NEEDS to live and sustain and to provide energy. If there's one thing I do believe in - its science and proven fact. What our body's required to live is a fact - just like its a fact that a car needs fuel. So eat better and exercise. Thats it. Thats the answer. My friend Tammie repeated this line numerous just this past weekend "there is no substitute for exercise" and she's right - she studies this stuff too... but exercising releases chemical reactions in our body that make us feel good... and endorphins - they're the only one I know for a fact!! Endorphins are fabulous people!!! You know we're grown ups now so its only right we should be staying away from drugs, try getting high on endorphins. Its fuckin wicked. ha ha ha!!
ANYHOO - I'll digress. Just try not to let 'they' influence you. And keep an eye for 'them' because sometimes 'they' are very quiet. Believe in yourself, trust yourself, have faith in yourself and be brave to make decisions that serve YOU. Then, remember what I said about loving yourSELF and holy dinah you will be freakin unstoppable!!!
Uma asks: "Who said that?"
Johnny says: "They"
Uma says: "They talk a lot don't they?"
and now let me quote from one of Jerry Seinfelds rants..*now put on your best Seinfeld impression*.. "but wwhhhoooooooooo are 'THEY'!!??"
'They' come up a lot! I refer to 'they' all the time.... basically because who the hell are 'they' to tell us anything?? If you think about it, the only things we truly know are what we have learned from our parents, what we've read in books, what we've been taught at school or what we've learned 'the hard way' through life experience. Basically I want to say it in the most harshest of manners - I think to a certain degree we've been brain washed right from the get go. Maybe you have heard it said how babies are 'all knowing'. It is because they are not yet moulded into what society deems a human being. They react purely based on the needs of their body and their soul. Gonna pause on that thought for a moment. I like that thought. It's so simple. I am just learning a TON from being a new auntie! I think my nephew is the smartest boy i have ever been in contact with... he's really teaching me how to get back to basics, the simple things, how to play and be goofy... and to love and be affectionate. I wasn't brought up with much affection at all so it's always been a bit of a foreign concept. Anyways that pureness is something to really appreciate and it is just awesome to watch! - but I think a lot of that pureness ends up getting wrecked by the brain washing I brought up. Its probably a harsh term but we are influenced by SO MANY things... friends, media, books, teachers, boss's, advertisements, professionals (ie: Doctors)... it is next to impossible to stay completely true to yourself. We have to look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain way, have certain beliefs LORDY a person could go nutty... and they have!! ha ha!! This is why I can't get on board with organized religion cause they basically teach people that you have to have faith in a separate entity, and a set of rules to live a good life, and have a good afterlife. - now I am saying that out of pure ignorance of any religion but its what I believe to be true. And don't ALL religions basically believe in the same thing?? A higher power.. the rules change between I suppose, but why not just take its name away and replace it with your own. - I say how about we have faith in OURSELVES first...believe in YOURSELF... and then figure out what you want to do.... no body, and nothing controls our lives except for us. At least thats the way it should be! Everything is a choice.
NOW - sorry that was a rather large rant to bring me to my point.... heh.... there are no secrets to being healthy and losing weight. We have known that for EVER basically, yet time and time again these programs pop up that make us think its the way to go and the answer we've been searching for..... NO ITS NOT!! - the answer is common sense. Dr. Phil has become a multi MULTI millionaire off of common sense which makes me hate him but only because I didn't do it first! The man's a freakin genius. Eat good food and get a bit of exercise. That's IT. Now are there different levels?? Yes of course.... me right now I'm getting some exercise 6 times a week and paying pretty close attention to what I eat because I have a goal of losing weight in somewhat of a timely manner. But that's it. SO easy!! - its not hard guys!! I would guarantee a few small permanent changes in your diet or exercising along with a healthy mind and spirit will make a dramatic difference in the long run. And the long run is the important part - it took you how many years to get fat??? - well it may just take that long to get the weight off - no need to rush.... there really isn't.. and its 400 times better than drastically losing only to gain it all back. That's so damn hard on person. So listen to yourself. Listen to your body. And only trust the theories that you find true to yourself, and that serve your purpose. And Elaine is so great here too - she didn't come to me with a big ol' strict-ass eating plan... more just concentrated on eating pure good food.... staying away from processed foods and boxed 'easy' foods... giving your body what it NEEDS to live and sustain and to provide energy. If there's one thing I do believe in - its science and proven fact. What our body's required to live is a fact - just like its a fact that a car needs fuel. So eat better and exercise. Thats it. Thats the answer. My friend Tammie repeated this line numerous just this past weekend "there is no substitute for exercise" and she's right - she studies this stuff too... but exercising releases chemical reactions in our body that make us feel good... and endorphins - they're the only one I know for a fact!! Endorphins are fabulous people!!! You know we're grown ups now so its only right we should be staying away from drugs, try getting high on endorphins. Its fuckin wicked. ha ha ha!!
ANYHOO - I'll digress. Just try not to let 'they' influence you. And keep an eye for 'them' because sometimes 'they' are very quiet. Believe in yourself, trust yourself, have faith in yourself and be brave to make decisions that serve YOU. Then, remember what I said about loving yourSELF and holy dinah you will be freakin unstoppable!!!
Discouragement
I had a few ideas for posts that I wanted to accomplish this week, but I am having a little side bar to address this freakin issue. Discouragement. Damn it anyways. I am right there in it right now, so I thought I had better get it out so I can move on already!!
It amazes me how we can take months and months, maybe even year after year changing our thoughts to more positive ones. Ensuring our inner most thoughts are those of support and encouragement and love, YET in a very instant the negative ones come back SO FAST. I suffered the tiniest of tiny set backs.... well not even a set back really... just something I took as a set back and proceeded to beat myself up about! Now i haven't let it stop me - trust me all of those excuses and rationalizations came flooding back... "I should just quit now, I can't do it" - "look at me... god what a pig... whats wrong with me?" Harsh right??? Its the worst. And now today I feel like a fatty again, I was poking at myself in the mirror and thinking that nothing was ever gonna change no matter how hard i worked anyways. Like seriously??? What. The. Fuck???? Time to give my head a shake. *and i just want to note here that all of this was coupled on top of a personal matter that arose yesterday afternoon... something that made me so upset, and angry and frustrated and... aw gawd whatever else... but we have to be sure not to use these things as an excuse to shut down. Instead I went for a good walk and marched my way up a hill that was killing me - but I used that physical pain to release some of that icky energy - then I had a drink! ha ha ha!*
There is NEVER an excuse to talk to yourself like that. - and I'll warn here that I may repeat certain things from post to post but if you don't need to hear it, then I do!! ha ha ha! Can you imagine yourself saying the negative things that you say to yourself to a friend of yours????? Theres no freakin way I would ever talk to someone like that, ANYBODY..... SO the battle must go on!! Turn those thoughts around and do it quickly!! I'm at least really good at catching myself when it happens now... really start paying attention to what you're thinking cause they sneak in there a lot of the time without you even knowing. So this morning when i was exercising I made sure to say things like "You CAN do it Ter, lets go!" - "I'm a fat burning machine - thats what my body does... its burns fat and heals itself".. because let me tell you if you are repeating negative thoughts to yourself its not gonna matter how well you eat or how much you exercise, I don't think ANYTHING will change.
SO - i guess maybe at times a little bit of discouragement will be inevitable. But lets not get down about it! Turn those thoughts into positive ones and no matter what your inner thoughts try to talk you out of - keep on trucking right through! Tomorrow is a whole brand new day and those feelings CAN NOT last forever!! At the end of the day it's a choice, choose the right ones that serve you and your purpose.
It amazes me how we can take months and months, maybe even year after year changing our thoughts to more positive ones. Ensuring our inner most thoughts are those of support and encouragement and love, YET in a very instant the negative ones come back SO FAST. I suffered the tiniest of tiny set backs.... well not even a set back really... just something I took as a set back and proceeded to beat myself up about! Now i haven't let it stop me - trust me all of those excuses and rationalizations came flooding back... "I should just quit now, I can't do it" - "look at me... god what a pig... whats wrong with me?" Harsh right??? Its the worst. And now today I feel like a fatty again, I was poking at myself in the mirror and thinking that nothing was ever gonna change no matter how hard i worked anyways. Like seriously??? What. The. Fuck???? Time to give my head a shake. *and i just want to note here that all of this was coupled on top of a personal matter that arose yesterday afternoon... something that made me so upset, and angry and frustrated and... aw gawd whatever else... but we have to be sure not to use these things as an excuse to shut down. Instead I went for a good walk and marched my way up a hill that was killing me - but I used that physical pain to release some of that icky energy - then I had a drink! ha ha ha!*
There is NEVER an excuse to talk to yourself like that. - and I'll warn here that I may repeat certain things from post to post but if you don't need to hear it, then I do!! ha ha ha! Can you imagine yourself saying the negative things that you say to yourself to a friend of yours????? Theres no freakin way I would ever talk to someone like that, ANYBODY..... SO the battle must go on!! Turn those thoughts around and do it quickly!! I'm at least really good at catching myself when it happens now... really start paying attention to what you're thinking cause they sneak in there a lot of the time without you even knowing. So this morning when i was exercising I made sure to say things like "You CAN do it Ter, lets go!" - "I'm a fat burning machine - thats what my body does... its burns fat and heals itself".. because let me tell you if you are repeating negative thoughts to yourself its not gonna matter how well you eat or how much you exercise, I don't think ANYTHING will change.
SO - i guess maybe at times a little bit of discouragement will be inevitable. But lets not get down about it! Turn those thoughts into positive ones and no matter what your inner thoughts try to talk you out of - keep on trucking right through! Tomorrow is a whole brand new day and those feelings CAN NOT last forever!! At the end of the day it's a choice, choose the right ones that serve you and your purpose.
The Gory Details
The wish I sent out to the Universe years ago was for a personal trainer. It has been a dream of mine for so long, I honestly didn't think it would ever happen unless i 'hit the big one' you know?? For some reason they seem so far out of reach, something that only rich people can have, something that you need to be someone kind of special to have. Well guess what??? I'm special!!! ha ha ha!! - see now my friends would laugh at that and tell me that I need a crash helmet, but I know they are joking and I know that I am indeed very special and have no doubt you are special too!! They are very much within our grasp! Drop any preconceptions you have right now and let me tell you, if its this kind of help you desire!! You can have it!! AND the most important part of it all is you are WORTH it...
Now I am specifically speaking of one Elaine Murray from Energized 4 Life Fitness.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Calgary-AB/Energized4life-Fitness/286325794608?ref=ts
life-energy-1@hotmail.com
She is just FABULOUS and has been virtual godsend in my life right now. - Now I don't necessarily believe in the definition of "god" that the bible puts out there, but i really can't think of another word that fits in there right now!! I had met Elaine a few times before, but never talked a whole heck of a lot - she is the sister of a very good friend Glen, and after his wedding in July we had got to chat a bit more, became friends on Facebook, and next thing you know I received a new message from her advertising her 8 week Fall Fitness Challenge. Now it wasn't directed at me specifically but more like asking if we knew anyone who would be interested to let them know.... well i was spitting out how ridiculously interested I was before I even knew what i was doing!! And so my learning curve began! We hashed out a plan that could work for me both financially and time management wise. I was able to get in on the Challenge and get started immediately! I was SO excited and still am!! - the Challenge part is so great for me because I love to win things and the prize for the winner is 10 free personal training sessions!! AWESOME. But also I love me some good ol' fashion competition!!
The details: We do a fitness test, designed by Elaine, weight, measurements and before and after pictures. She timed the individual exercises of the fitness test and them added everything together for a total time. Then at the end of the 8 weeks we can see how much time we can take off, how many inches we can lose, and how much weight is dropped, and of course how super sexy we are in our after pictures!! :-)
So as promised here are the gory details!!! - I know I don't have to share them, and I am feeling some embarrassment for sure but i think it's for the best. Then everyone can see the step by step process that has to take place to lose in a healthy permanent manner. It will be neat to see what comes off first and what will be more stubborn!!
@ Sept. 17, 2010
Chest 50"
Natural waist 44"
Belly button 50.5"
Hips 49"
Buttocks 49.5"
Thigh 26.25"
Calf 17.25"
Bicep unflexed 15"
Bicep flexed 15.25"
Weight 236 lbs
Now I am specifically speaking of one Elaine Murray from Energized 4 Life Fitness.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Calgary-AB/Energized4life-Fitness/286325794608?ref=ts
life-energy-1@hotmail.com
She is just FABULOUS and has been virtual godsend in my life right now. - Now I don't necessarily believe in the definition of "god" that the bible puts out there, but i really can't think of another word that fits in there right now!! I had met Elaine a few times before, but never talked a whole heck of a lot - she is the sister of a very good friend Glen, and after his wedding in July we had got to chat a bit more, became friends on Facebook, and next thing you know I received a new message from her advertising her 8 week Fall Fitness Challenge. Now it wasn't directed at me specifically but more like asking if we knew anyone who would be interested to let them know.... well i was spitting out how ridiculously interested I was before I even knew what i was doing!! And so my learning curve began! We hashed out a plan that could work for me both financially and time management wise. I was able to get in on the Challenge and get started immediately! I was SO excited and still am!! - the Challenge part is so great for me because I love to win things and the prize for the winner is 10 free personal training sessions!! AWESOME. But also I love me some good ol' fashion competition!!
The details: We do a fitness test, designed by Elaine, weight, measurements and before and after pictures. She timed the individual exercises of the fitness test and them added everything together for a total time. Then at the end of the 8 weeks we can see how much time we can take off, how many inches we can lose, and how much weight is dropped, and of course how super sexy we are in our after pictures!! :-)
So as promised here are the gory details!!! - I know I don't have to share them, and I am feeling some embarrassment for sure but i think it's for the best. Then everyone can see the step by step process that has to take place to lose in a healthy permanent manner. It will be neat to see what comes off first and what will be more stubborn!!
@ Sept. 17, 2010
Chest 50"
Natural waist 44"
Belly button 50.5"
Hips 49"
Buttocks 49.5"
Thigh 26.25"
Calf 17.25"
Bicep unflexed 15"
Bicep flexed 15.25"
Weight 236 lbs
BABY STEPS
Is it common knowledge yet that baby steps are the way to go?? In my world it is... just one little step at a time. ANY action in the right direction will start a positive flow towards your goal. For me it seemed as though there was this one, like mammoth, GIANT, gross, scary, weird step - right before that first baby step. I still don't know truely why... i guess i built it up too much in my head - but I stayed there for a long time!! However giant and gross and scary it was... it was comfortable, it was keeping me in my rut where nothing would change and for whatever reason that felt good. It felt really good up until I caught myself saying "YAY, its getting cold again! I can hide under big baggy sweaters!" ...... what?? Seriously? Have you ever caught yourself in a thought like that...?? I don't want to feel like that anymore. I don't want to hide! Even though I have always been heavier I have always had confidence in myself. It's maybe in the past year that I've seen it begin to slip. The fidgeting, the pulling at my shirts, the hiding in baggy clothes... its not good!! It doesn't FEEL good! HOW do i get my damn self off of this fuckin step??? Maybe I need help....
ENTER - Jen (said friend who loves to read and learn) and help people!! She introduced me to a book which I'm not going to lend props too just yet as I have not totally finished it... (back to my piont about not being 'much' of a reader).. ha ha! but i'm trying and getting there... I'm just a little pokey. ANYHOW - the most basic of premises to learn in this book is that you need to be happy and love yourself NOW. Where ever you are, however sad, whatever is bothering you - old ghosts, demons - this trauma that I mentioned everyone has... getting skinny and/or more beautiful will NOT solve these problems!! Real life example: Carnie Wilson - she got that gastric bypass surgery, got skinny and beatiful then became addicted to alcohol - full on alcohlic. She quickly realized more work was necassary when she was faced with losing her husband. Everything HAS to be dealt with head on sooner or later... and trust me if you keep putting it off it will manifest one day and it won't be pretty! It can come out in mental forms, but physical forms as well. DO whatever you need to do to be happy right now. Love yourself right now, just as you are. You deserve it!! - and I deserve it too! It takes work and a lot of conscience effort to reverse your negative thoughts, but once you practice for awhile it gets easy. You have to trust me on that. I have been so mean to myself - would NEVER dream of speaking to a friend or even an enemy how i was speaking to myself! Be kind to yourself, you need it, and you are worth it! And FORGIVE yourself for christ sake! Cause if you haven't fucked something up in the past then you need to forgive yourself for being such an asshole to.... well.... YOU.
Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. Don't you love that saying?? Through most of my life it has always been used with a bit of a negative connotation, but it is the most positive saying EVER. I think it's Mike Dooley we thank for the saying "Thoughts become things" and they DO... i have tested it and they do. Think of what you want, put it out there - feel good about it... and it will happen. Whats the point?? Something I've been putting out there on and off again for the last few years came to me.... and in it.... the help i needed, the push off of the giant step.....
ENTER - Jen (said friend who loves to read and learn) and help people!! She introduced me to a book which I'm not going to lend props too just yet as I have not totally finished it... (back to my piont about not being 'much' of a reader).. ha ha! but i'm trying and getting there... I'm just a little pokey. ANYHOW - the most basic of premises to learn in this book is that you need to be happy and love yourself NOW. Where ever you are, however sad, whatever is bothering you - old ghosts, demons - this trauma that I mentioned everyone has... getting skinny and/or more beautiful will NOT solve these problems!! Real life example: Carnie Wilson - she got that gastric bypass surgery, got skinny and beatiful then became addicted to alcohol - full on alcohlic. She quickly realized more work was necassary when she was faced with losing her husband. Everything HAS to be dealt with head on sooner or later... and trust me if you keep putting it off it will manifest one day and it won't be pretty! It can come out in mental forms, but physical forms as well. DO whatever you need to do to be happy right now. Love yourself right now, just as you are. You deserve it!! - and I deserve it too! It takes work and a lot of conscience effort to reverse your negative thoughts, but once you practice for awhile it gets easy. You have to trust me on that. I have been so mean to myself - would NEVER dream of speaking to a friend or even an enemy how i was speaking to myself! Be kind to yourself, you need it, and you are worth it! And FORGIVE yourself for christ sake! Cause if you haven't fucked something up in the past then you need to forgive yourself for being such an asshole to.... well.... YOU.
Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. Don't you love that saying?? Through most of my life it has always been used with a bit of a negative connotation, but it is the most positive saying EVER. I think it's Mike Dooley we thank for the saying "Thoughts become things" and they DO... i have tested it and they do. Think of what you want, put it out there - feel good about it... and it will happen. Whats the point?? Something I've been putting out there on and off again for the last few years came to me.... and in it.... the help i needed, the push off of the giant step.....
In the beginning......
There was a wee chubby girl!!! Always!! For as long as i can remember, at any point in my life I could have stood to lose 20 - 30 pounds. Now don't get me wrong... I worked what I had - at least since the age that i knew what "working it:" was all about.... confidence drummed up from somewhere that I can't even imagine! Now I'm not going to bore you with all the details of my childhood, but it's not easy growing up being the fat girl in school!! And with my haircut I also quite often was mistaken as a boy!! Very tough on a young girl! But you what? Everyone has there trauma... and I don't believe it is an excuse for anything... i could blame my 30 some years of being over weight on many... many... (MANY ahem) things but for whatever reason I never did, and I certainly won't start now. I did this. I got me this way - this far gone - its all a series of choices.
I can remember the summer between Grade 7 and Grade 8 - now for us small town folk this was the summer before high school so was one of the most exciting of my life already but it was also my first experience with weight loss. My dad told me he would give me $5.00 for every pound i lost... "Right on" I thought! And with the help of my Grandma we counted calories and went for walks and i ate like a "lady" (one of the many 'lady' skills my Grandma had to teach me - you'd be amazed what a little girl doesn't know growing up in a house of men - even the dog was male for Christ sake!) I'll digress... I lost 30 pounds!! Now i can't remember what weight I started at and where I finished but it made a significant difference in my appearance. Now that same summer somehow I scored a visit with my mom too!! And she took me to a lady who managed to change my wicked boy looking hair into the cutest little bob you ever did see! - then she took me to Merle Norman and had them teach me how to wear make-up. WOW!! I started grade 8 .... HIGH SCHOOL with a whole new look and all of my friends were do amazed!! Thank Goodness for that summer!!! - the moral of this story... I STILL haven't seen a dime of that money from my father!!!! I was ridiculously disappointed!... maybe a note on parenting in there somewhere - follow through with what you say to your kids... it means a LOT to them...
So anyways, the point of this entry was to let you know that this has quite literally been a life long 'thing' for me... As i said at any point in my life i could have stood to lose some weight, and while I didn't obsess about it, it was always in the back of my mind.... Just having lost 30 pounds and being a brand new me - I was still the last to get picked in Gym Class, the slowest runner, and the last to cross any finish line. ***aaawwww!! woe is me hey?? ha ha!!*** I'm certainly not looking for any pity at this stage but these things stick with a girl and I'm certain someone out there is relating to some extent!!
I can remember the summer between Grade 7 and Grade 8 - now for us small town folk this was the summer before high school so was one of the most exciting of my life already but it was also my first experience with weight loss. My dad told me he would give me $5.00 for every pound i lost... "Right on" I thought! And with the help of my Grandma we counted calories and went for walks and i ate like a "lady" (one of the many 'lady' skills my Grandma had to teach me - you'd be amazed what a little girl doesn't know growing up in a house of men - even the dog was male for Christ sake!) I'll digress... I lost 30 pounds!! Now i can't remember what weight I started at and where I finished but it made a significant difference in my appearance. Now that same summer somehow I scored a visit with my mom too!! And she took me to a lady who managed to change my wicked boy looking hair into the cutest little bob you ever did see! - then she took me to Merle Norman and had them teach me how to wear make-up. WOW!! I started grade 8 .... HIGH SCHOOL with a whole new look and all of my friends were do amazed!! Thank Goodness for that summer!!! - the moral of this story... I STILL haven't seen a dime of that money from my father!!!! I was ridiculously disappointed!... maybe a note on parenting in there somewhere - follow through with what you say to your kids... it means a LOT to them...
So anyways, the point of this entry was to let you know that this has quite literally been a life long 'thing' for me... As i said at any point in my life i could have stood to lose some weight, and while I didn't obsess about it, it was always in the back of my mind.... Just having lost 30 pounds and being a brand new me - I was still the last to get picked in Gym Class, the slowest runner, and the last to cross any finish line. ***aaawwww!! woe is me hey?? ha ha!!*** I'm certainly not looking for any pity at this stage but these things stick with a girl and I'm certain someone out there is relating to some extent!!
To Blog or not to Blog
That was my big question. Its healthy once you start tying to truly figure yourself out to write shit down. But who the heck writes anymore??!!! - I mean actually physically writing with pen to paper - isn't it faster to type? So maybe blogging is the answer - its the diary we put out the whole freaking world.. AWESOME... isn't it fun to read other peoples goodies??
I do have an ulterior motive however. I thought, maybe.. just maybe if I put my story out there it might inspire someone.. even one person! That would be SO cool! So I'm going to yammer on about this and that but in amongst it all you will find the story of how I FINALLY realized my true physical self. Not how I did it last year, or how I did it before and it all fell to pieces, how I'm DOING it now. I'm going to put all the nasty details up on here and just let it all hang out! But by the end, I will prove beyond any shadow of a doubt that it can be done!! And its easier than everyone thinks... who said a little diligence, effort and work had to be hard??? Really... who said that??? its what we all think.... where the fuck did it come from? GAWD I hate that.
So it will be a story about losing some weight and gaining some fitness, and making a huge step forward in my adult life. I'll also want to talk a lot about things I have read and things I have learned so please forgive me if I accidentally plagiarize a line or two, or a phrase or two. I have learned so much through my very dear friend, who loves to read and learn - (I'm not much of a reader at all) - so I will be regurgitating some of that information as well, but I will honestly have no idea where exactly it came from!! ha ha!! SO, bare with me through the grammar and the cursing and I will try to be as much help as possible! Thank you for checking me out - any and all comments are more than welcome!
I do have an ulterior motive however. I thought, maybe.. just maybe if I put my story out there it might inspire someone.. even one person! That would be SO cool! So I'm going to yammer on about this and that but in amongst it all you will find the story of how I FINALLY realized my true physical self. Not how I did it last year, or how I did it before and it all fell to pieces, how I'm DOING it now. I'm going to put all the nasty details up on here and just let it all hang out! But by the end, I will prove beyond any shadow of a doubt that it can be done!! And its easier than everyone thinks... who said a little diligence, effort and work had to be hard??? Really... who said that??? its what we all think.... where the fuck did it come from? GAWD I hate that.
So it will be a story about losing some weight and gaining some fitness, and making a huge step forward in my adult life. I'll also want to talk a lot about things I have read and things I have learned so please forgive me if I accidentally plagiarize a line or two, or a phrase or two. I have learned so much through my very dear friend, who loves to read and learn - (I'm not much of a reader at all) - so I will be regurgitating some of that information as well, but I will honestly have no idea where exactly it came from!! ha ha!! SO, bare with me through the grammar and the cursing and I will try to be as much help as possible! Thank you for checking me out - any and all comments are more than welcome!
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