Clean Slate

You know a new year is good for?? - well, its good for a lot of things... but one in particular is a fresh start! A Clean Slate. A new beginning. A mulligan. However you want to say it! We don't really need a whole new year to make a fresh start, but somehow it has been pushed upon us that this is when we are to resolve to do something wonderful for ourselves, make a change for the better - or for the worse who knows. Maybe there is someone out there who resolves to steal more, or perhaps steal bigger things. Hey, I'm not one to judge. My clean slate begins today. January 21st, 2011. Basically because I need one. I need a reset. I don't know about all of you but my holiday season was WAY too busy to be sitting and making resolutions. There was too much fun to be had! Too many people to see and visit, and FO SHO too TOO much damn work to do!!!! Eventually everything slows down enough for one to grab some perspective... or shall I say a better perspective.

I convinced myself I was letting myself down. OF COURSE I relaxed over the holidays and didn't worry about a thing, and that's the way it should be. I still exercised a bit, I find it really hard to go any length of time without which is awesome. But i had a goal of getting below 200 Pounds by Christmas which didn't happen, then by January 1st which also didn't happen, then here last week I decided it was NEVER going to happen and why am I even bothering?? Its amazing how fast we can go from zero to irrational. Isn't it??? I know any woman out there can relate on at least 3 out of a dozen PMS episodes a year! It's truly amazing... Now I wasn't PMSing, this was the new me loosing a battle to Flo. The fastest re-adoption of old methods of thinking one could ever imagine!! And how did I deal with it????? Lets see, Chinese food, Pizza, Alcohol, Potato Chips, A&W burger and Poutine, and Homemade Deep Fry supper, all within the matter of 3 days. ha ha! 3 days!! I'm laughing because I am awkwardly ashamed to admit that! I said in one of my earliest posts that I didn't think I was an emotional eater, then later on I admitted 'maybe' I was... well..... here is my outright admission!!!!! I SSOOO TOTALLY AM!!! Oh... my.... god.... isn't that something?? Anyways, shortly thereafter came clarity.

So wiping the slate clean for me means the very first thing to go back on the slate is how WICKED FREAKIN AWESOME I have done and all of the amazing progress I have made! Be certain to never ever sell yourself short!!! Sometimes I think we focus on our goals and the immediate future so much, we forget our (my own) preachings about gratitude and recognition and living in the moment. It is important to have a goal to work towards. When that goal becomes an obsession however, I think one needs to take a step back. I have that 200 number built up SO MUCH in my head that it started causing me almost reverse effects! Oddly enough. On top of an insanely stressful time at work and every ones day to day stress this TOO was stressing me out. It shouldn't!! It's just a goal!!! Goals change and evolve all the time! SO WHAT?? You're doin it. I stayed the same weight for a couple weeks but I didn't really put anything back on... I still made some progress in inches... still making steps in the right direction.... so calm the hell down lady!! (you can tell how much I talk to myself hey??) I have chosen a new goal of 195 for my birthday. Take that freakin number right out of the equation. Fuck it... the 2's are already gone right? Why am i putting so much focus on the damn 2. I need to be focusing on the 1's!! That's what I am truly aiming for. The other thing I have done is started counting my weight loss from my heaviest weight, as opposed to my weight at the start  of the challenge. This gave me the extra added bonus of 8 pounds to count that I already had off before becoming active. So to date I have lost 42 pounds! That is nothing to shake a stick at for sure! I am a very proud girl, even if I forget it every so often!!!

And so that battle rages on!!!! My resolution?? More of the same, keep on keepin' on, try try again, however you want to say it!! ha ha!
"Be steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity with manly strength and courage".
Besides, it only feels like a battle the tiniest fraction of the time, and each time it comes, the battle is WON faster and better then the time before.