BUMMER

My friends were making fun of me on the weekend for saying bummer – well not really ‘making fun’ of me but laughing at it, or me… whatever!! Either way it was all good! I chose it for the title of this post because it makes me laugh and somehow it has worked it’s way into my every day vocabulary – but also because its seems to directly apply to me this week. I am having a bad week. **pout pout pout** I debated on writing this post actually, because you remember that saying – “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” Ha ha ha!! THAT’S ME. Then I thought – no, I should write SOMETHING. Writing has been helping me work through shit so there’s one good reason – plus for all the readers out there it’s important for you to know that real life will always interfere in one way or another with your master plan. To know that I am not all sunshine and roses all of the time – and I honestly don’t believe anyone can be and be healthy in the head at the same time. One theory is maybe challenges are set forth to see how well you will deal with them. To specifically challenge your new resolve and your new problem solving skills. I don’t like being challenged or tested so I don’t know if I believe that theory at all. It’s one I use when I don’t really have an explanation. Some times for some reason I need an explanation other than “everything happens for a reason”. I’m SURE there’s a reason… I just don’t care what it is right now! Ha ha ha! I want an explanation dammit.

My first issue popped up Friday evening. Remember how I ended my last post saying “nothing can kill this buzz!”… well apparently that was a challenge to the Universe. Something did. Noting major AT ALL but my car got smashed while he was parked on the street totally minding his own kitty business (his name is Garfield). Everything went as well as can be expected. The dude stopped and gave all of his info, no human beings or live animals were injured, and nobody else’s property was damaged – other than the young gent that did the smashing of course. The biggest problem with this had nothing to do with my wee baby car at all – all of those reasons I can get past and deal with – it is the fall. How can one of the very best days I have ever had turn into one that ended so badly? I mean how is it possible? It’s that trip, that slip, that fall that does me in every time. I have myself convinced (probably just some old thoughts I’m working out) that instead of being rewarded for success I end up being punished. It seems like every time I do something so wonderful for me, something bad will happen and inevitably cause me to stray from my path. I’m seeing it now, this is totally the old me making trouble for the new me. Flo, before she finished basic training. I allowed myself to entertain this exact thought for almost the rest of the night and have a good ol’ cry about it and so on and so forth… an you know what it got me? A chain reaction. With the exception of Saturday and Sunday which were brilliant distractions that I am so grateful for, it got me 3 sleepless nights, extra stress at work (system trouble and customer issues, everything), a wicked snow storm (ok I alone didn’t bring that on.. but COME ON… timing blows), a minor injury to my hip (stop laughing) from shoveling snow Tuesday that has me kinked up, then yesterday I literally got thrown on my ass. I stepped out of the work truck on to a funky groove in the ice and my heel slipped right off and WAMMO.. right as flat as can be on my ass. I was in that much fuckin pain I could’ve just …. Bah!... I don’t even know! I couldn’t sit down and pout any more because it hurt too much!!

The thing I am most disappointed about is that I skipped my work out last night. The first one I have missed. I felt it more necessary to ice my ass and tail bone, and have a good stiff drink. I have also been eating too much this week. I didn’t give in to my wants of total crap, the food I’m eating is still good stuff, its just more than it should be. It’s making me realize I am indeed an emotional eater. I do find comfort in it (eating that is) and it seems the worse the food the more the comfort there is available. It’s a good lesson for me…. To see that in myself, and feel it, and best of all recognize it for what it is. AND to YET AGAIN not allow myself to slip too far, and to make excuses, and to get caught up in this funky mood. It’s too easy to get caught in and I have worked too hard to give up now! It’s just funny how detrimental my thinking can go in such a short period of time.

So this morning brought an ass that is not quite as sore as yesterday (although it stills kills!! Ha ha! Gawd) and a slightly renewed attitude. Missing one workout is not going to end me. It won’t stunt my progress, its ok. I think my panic mostly comes from the thought that if I miss one workout, then I’m going to get caught up in skipping workouts and eventually fail myself like I have in the past. Not this time. This time I know is different! I have so many people rooting for me that it renews my drive daily. I owe it to myself to fight through all of this crap and be like Nike and “Just do it”. Just do it. Simple. So, the moral here I guess is that you’re not always going to be perfect. Nobody is. Even the Elaine Murray’s and Jillian Michaels of the world have a hot fudge sundae once in awhile…. At least I sure like to think that they do! You’ll slip and slide and maybe even fall right on your ass but the important part will be how fast you hop back up! – my new theory is that I was given the physical pain in the ass to make me realize the actual pain in the ass I was being. Well not ME… Flo of course. Sometimes I think it is just that simple. Probably Garfield got put out of commission because my tires are getting pretty crappy and I deserved a newer set to drive on these shitty roads with. I should be thankful really,… and I am……. Now.  Jen would say “a gift wrapped in sandpaper” – the proverbial silver lining creeps up again… its all just perspective, and REMARKABLY *sarcasim* has NOTHING to do with my recent success’s, and most certainly isn’t a punishment!!