Flo

In my last post I made reference to my 'inner drill sargent'. I've decided that she is relevant enough to have a name. I thought this name should have some significance in my world so I chose Flo. Why is that name significant you ask?? Well I will tell you.... Florence is actually my Grandmas first name. She never uses it mind you, she has always gone by Miriam which is her middle name... but I like it and its a part of her - which is a part of me. I like it for another reason and that is of course its short form - Flo... Flo cracks me up!!! If anyone can recall that first restaurant scene from Dumb and Dumber you will know why. Now put on your best Jim Carrey impression..  "Pardon me..... Flo..?".  *giggles*  ... "What is the soup de jour?"..... Flo: "It's the soup of the day" .... "MMmmmm that sounds good.... think I'll have that..."

Flo used to be a bitch. She wasn't from the get go, but somewhere along the line she became bitter and jaded and pissed off.  I have touched on this topic before but I feel that it may need some more attention as it has come up at the same time both in the book I'm reading and by Portia DeGeneres and her new book. Portia was extremely candid with sharing the horrid things her inner voice used to say to her. When I mentioned a couple of the nasty's Flo used to say to me, I received comments about how nobody has shared quite like that before so of course I immediately related. It takes a LOT to get those out there. Isn't it a horrible thought to think that the things our inner selves are telling us are TOO horrible and nasty to even say out loud? It's like the abused woman who will tell her friends she fell down the stairs to explain away bruises. Just instead of bruises, we will carry around too much extra weight, or in Portias' case no weight at all..... or have a drug addiction or become dependant on alcohol... or even become abusive to others. Lots of time the biggest bullies are only like that because they are currently being bullied themselves. Its a learned behavior. We need to air these voices. Call them out for what they really are, and help them to change.

I have been working on Flo for quite some time now! I have to say she has made amazing progress and now thoroughly enjoys being my drill Sargent! A Drill Sargent might sound mean, but you have to remember that their job is to make you the very best you can be, and push you to challenge your limits. I also like labelling Flo as a drill Sargent because when I'm out walk-jogging she says things like "DID WE COME ALL THIS WAY TO QUIT NOW?".... "PICK UP THOSE FEET SOLDIER AND GET MOVIN!" .... and it too makes me laugh and laughing makes everything better! She also can now tell when the drill Sargent approach isn't going to work and she can say "Come on T.... you got his kiddo..... you're over half way there - just make it to the park bench and you can walk for a bit"....**WOW- I'm just realizing that i may just look like a crazy person when I'm out walking! Yikes, I hope my lips don't actually move.... I'm pretty sure there's no sound coming out... oh boy! ha ha ha!!**.... Anyhoo, we have come a LONG way and just like any BFF we have had it out, we've laughed, we've cried, we've accused... and best of all we've forgiven. And the best part??? When she's in a bitchy mood and having a down day and gets a little cunty with me - I say "Fuck off Flo, come back when you have something good to say".. and she does.