"I hate running" were among my very first words to Elaine when she first came to my house to whoop my ass. I HATE running... hate is a strong word. I have tried it in the past, really tried - took an actual running 'clinic' to learn how to do it properly ect... but something was wrong because I ended up with nothing but shin splints and a very sore knee. I refuse to call my knee injured NOW... then I didn't... I let everyone tell me that knee injury's were very common in runners and I should be going to get it checked out. Which I guess made sense, I was new to the sport, better safe than sorry - but I was doing well, and I proceeded to use that as the excuse to quit. Looking back now I don't know if it was THAT bad... I really don't. The doctor was vague - didn't see anything predominantly wrong with it, but I did go do some physio and worked on it for a bit, and with all the rest it did get better. I'm pretty certain I used it as an excuse. The weird thing is, when I was in that running clinic - I was really liking it. A friend of mine at the time hooked me up and it was fun. I think some insecurities got the best of me and just took over. I was an outsider, everyone else was an experienced runner, and while I enjoyed being out and about I didn't enjoy their company before or after. I felt weird - so why not take the easy way and quit?
WHY NOT???? - fuck I can think of a myriad of answers to that question now!! Damn ya know? I do believe that everything happens for a reason. SSSsooooo for whatever reason at that time, I wasn't ready for a change - I wasn't ready to move on and move forward... and when I think back to where I was in my life at that time it makes total sense. It was a period of recovery that seemed to require a lot of solitude, reflection and vegetation; but also a lot of partying hard, drug use and copious amounts of booze. An escape. It was good, I had fun - nothing bad happened (well to me anyways), met some great people but inevitably one has to move on. Now here I am.... and guess what?? I'm starting to freakin run!!! It is still in spurts right now but every time I go out I can jog further and further. In less than a week I accidentally took 4 minutes off of my time. I didn't mean to because I have a 40 minute goal to hit and what took me 42 minutes last Thursday took me only 38 yesterday! ITS FUN!! I'm really enjoying it!! I keep amazing myself with how far I go - I literally will run out of walking path and have to plan new routes! - I'm constantly reminded of that old commercial.. I think it was Nike or something... where they are sarcastically making fun of active people... "Ya... I used to run!! - WHEN I WAS 10!!!" ha ha ha! - it cracks me up! - and I have been know to say... "holy fuck, its 5:30am why the hell is that idiot out running???" tee hee hee... I guess I'm that idiot, well slowly turning into that idiot anyways!! I'm eating so much crow to myself right now that I won't have to eat for a year. It makes me LAUGH.... really laugh!! It's awesome. It also makes me realize how much I appreciate that time to myself. Its hard to tell TRUE time to yourself I think. I'm completely in tuned with my body during that time which seems to set my mind free to ramble, and the shit that pops in their is something else. The void of any distraction - TV, books, music, talking... its precious precious quiet time.
*I just wanted to include this thought about why I 'think' that I hate running... because as you know from previous posts I have never been a lightweight... and I have this memory from gym class in high school, I forget which grade it was but doesn't matter - we were outside playing baseball - which I liked because I was a GREAT hitter - and my turn came up... I hit that freakin ball so good and I started just a givn'er for first base. Everyone was yelling "Run Terri Run!!!!" and I was like "I AM!!!"... and then there was a harsh silence that fell as everyone realized I was already trying my hardest... that sucked. I think I may have still scored, but that will stick in my mind forever!!
Challenge for this post... find yourself a way that you can enjoy TRUE time to yourself. Where you are not distracted by anything, your not occupied doing something - not even doing something you enjoy.. just be with yourself and be completely aware of your body and concentrate on your breathing and let your mind relax and wander. You may just discover something like 42 blog posts in there... ha ha! you never know!!
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